My record is with me for life...

May 10th, 2011 changed my life for the better.  My next big change came on July 29th, 2011.  That was the first day that I was officially off of probation.  Officially off, after 3 long years of being on it.  No more checking in monthly with my probation officer, no more being scared that anything I do may put me back in to that horrible, horrible place....

I knew that 2011 would bring great things for me.  I knew it would be "my year"....the year my divorce would finally be over, as well as my probation finally being over.

People seem to think though, that because my probation is now over, that so is my record.  Oh how I wish that were the case, but it is not.  For you see, my probation is over, but my record is with me for life.

I'll never forget how my public defender told me that the two misdemeanors would not affect me.  Boy, was he wrong.   It has had a huge impact on me.  I am unable to find a good job because Human Resouces puts an end to it before I even have the chance to start despite my qualifications, and I am unable to move.  Fortunately, I love the state that I live in, but I am unable to rent from any other apartment because of my misdemeanors.  I get treated poorly.  They think the worst.  I get judged, and I hate it.

I have one more huge hurdle....to secure a permanent, full-time position at a company that will hire me despite my record.  Easier said, than done....

FINALLY legally divorced!

It's been over 3 months since I have last posted, and I have had several changes since my last post on April 21st.  I am happy to say that as of May 10, 2011, I am LEGALLY divorced!  My ex-husband didn't even call in to the court final hearing by phone.  He was a complete no-show.  This worried me when he didn't call, as I was afraid the Magistrate would issue a continuance, but she did not, and she pushed the divorce through!

I swear, it felt like I'd never be divorced from him, no matter how hard I tried.  Our marriage lasted for 2 years and 8 months before I filed for a divorce from him.  It took 2 filings, and 2 years and 8 months (the same amount of time our marriage lasted) for me to divorce him.  Not because he didn't want to get a divorce; but because of how non-compliant he was.  I did everything the State required to get a divorce, and he did nothing.  It was horrible, and it held things up.

But low and behold, on May 10th, the Magistrate made it FINAL!  I cried....tears of happiness, not sadness.  So here is what is in the permanent, legal court documents:

sole, legal, residential custodian/guardian - ME
sole, legal, decision maker - ME

As for my ex?  This is what he received:

2 weeks per year of visitation time with my son (in the state my ex lives in)...this is broken in to two, 7 day segments....each segment includes travel time.

4 days every even year for Christmas (in the state my ex lives in), which includes travel time

4 days every odd year for Thanksgiving (in the state my ex lives in), which includes travel time

2 days every year, the weekend before my son's birthday, to be taken in the state my son lives in (Saturday morning to Sunday night)

2 days every year, the weekend of Father's Day, to be taken in the state my son lives in (Saturday morning to Sunday night)

2 days every year, the weekend before my ex-husband's birthday, to be taken in the state my son lives in (Saturday morning to Sunday night)

The total amount of days my ex-husband has visitation time with my son every year is 24 days, 18 nights...this is broken up over 6 segments.  The longest amount of time my ex-husband can have visitation with my son is 7 days, and that includes travel time.  My ex-husband is not allowed to combine Holiday time with visitation time.  Seven days max, alone with my son. and that is in the permanent court orders.

My ex-husband is to provide me with 30 days advance notice, and an address where my son will be staying, along with a phone number, and flight itineraries.

24 days total per year, and my ex continues to forfeit visitation time with my son.  It's sad.  I'm sure the time will come where my ex-husband will use some of his visitation time, but as of right now, he is still forfeiting what little bit of time he has.  Sad, very sad.

As for child support?  Although he was court ordered to pay it, he did not, and I had to go to the Child Support Enforcement Agency to have his wages garnished.

I am happy to say that the CSE Agency has finally started sending me payments.  I think it is sad though, that I have to pay for the CSE Agency to be involved (every year I have to pay them)....in my opinion, my ex-husband should have to pay for their services.  I just don't get it.  Some "justice" system we have....

My last post....

This is going to be my last post....at least for a while.  Will I post again in the future?  I don't know.  Perhaps some time between May-August, but I can't say for sure.  My blog has served its purpose.

I have followers who have followed my true life story from the very beginning.  For those of you that have, I truly thank you for following along, and for your support.

I'm sure there are people who only read a recent post or two, and in doing so, they don't know my life story...they just know a tid-bit.  Nevertheless, I thank those people as well, for taking the time to read a post or two from my blog.

I will reiterate what I wrote in the beginning (which my followers from the beginning have read)...I did not write this post because I am in a pity-party.  I did not write this post for thereapeutic reasons....trust me, this blog has been anything but thereapeutic for me, as I had to relive things that I'd much rather forget.

I wrote this blog for my son.  For you see, it is my hope to get my true life story out in the public, and when I say "public", I mean above and beyond a simple blog.  Only time will tell what will happen.  I would much rather try and not get any "bites" on my blog, than to have never had tried, and to always wonder, "what if?"

It's all in God's Hands now.  He has been taking care of my son and I all along, and I know that He will continue to do so.    I believe that God has a plan for me.  I pray that He shows me that plan soon, and I will follow.

Things are slowly but surely looking up.  My divorce is almost finalized, and my probation is almost over, and hopefully, I'll start receiving child support soon. 

The last piece of the puzzle is finding a higher paying job and getting my record expunged.

Everything happens for a reason.  I do not regret marrying my ex, because if I never married him, I would never of had my precious baby boy.

It's the things in our life...both good and bad, that makes us the people that we are today.  And I like the person I am.  I'm not perfect, and I don't claim to be so (none of us are), but at least I try to be the kind of person that God wants me to be.

"When one door closes, another door opens.  And when all doors close, then God opens a window!"  - - Joel Osteen (that is from memory, and may not be verbatim, but it's close).  Anyways, I am waiting for God to open that window for me!

I believe that Joel Osteen also said it best when he said something along the lines of, "Do you know why your windshield is much larger than your rear view mirror?"  "Because where you've been, isn't nearly as important as where you are going!"

Amen!

I am so extremely Blessed, and I have God to thank for that.  I continue to hold Matthew 6:25-6:34 close to my heart, and I hold on to that passage during the difficult time that I am going through.

I won't give up, and I never will....all for the love of my son.

Since I don't know if I'll be posting again in the future, I invite you to email me at onemothersjourney@yahoo.com, if you would like to.

Thank you for those of you who have faitfully followed my story, and for your support, and for your words of encouragement.

May God Bless You!

I honestly believe that God has been taking care of my son and myself.

Where I'm at now.....that's nothing that I can sum up in one sentence.  I am anxiously waiting for my divorce to be finalized, which if all goes well, will be on May 10th, which is my final hearing.

I am waiting for the Child Support Enforcement Agency to start paying me the child support that my ex was court ordered to pay.  They opened my case in March, and hopefully I'll receive some child support once and for all, starting in May.

I am waiting for July 29th, which is my first day off of probation, after 3 long years of waiting.

I am working full-time, and while working full-time, I am looking for a job back in Commercial Real Estate which is what I did for 6 years before losing my job, as I really enjoyed it, and the money was good.  I make much less than half of what I used to make doing Commercial Real Estate.

Most importantly, I am a full-time, single Mommy, to my precious, little boy who I love more than life itself!  There's a certain pride that comes with raising my little boy completely on my own.  Every day I watch him thrive and flourish, and I am so very proud of him.  I have realized that a family isn't about quantity.  My son and I ARE a family!  We are TWO STRONG!  :-)

I have days that are hard for me, I'm not going to lie.  I get in such pain at times....so much fear....I get so scared.  My little boy depends on me, and although I am doing everything I possibly can, I sometimes feel like it's not good enough.  I work full-time while applying for Commercial Real Estate jobs; I am selling my personal belongings (nothing of my son's); and I'm hoping to get my true life story out in the public....more than just a blog.  I go to a food pantry for help with food, and I have gone to Churches for help.

Until I get my record sealed, it's going to interfere with me getting a good job...I am speaking from personal experience, as I have lost jobs because of it...Human Resources always stops a company from hiring me.

In 2008, I turned to God.  I have always been religious, but its only been over the past few years that my Faith has grown as Strong as it is now.  I was raised a Catholic, and in 2009, I decided to change to a Non-Denominational Christian.  I don't pretend that I know the whole Bible, because I don't.  In fact, I have alot to learn.  But I do read from it, and I pray and keep a close relationship with God.

I honestly believe that God has been taking care of my son and myself.  I hold on to Matthew 6:25-6:34, and I have so many personal examples to prove that what is written in that passage is so very true, as long as you keep your Faith Strong, which is what I do.

I see God come to me.  I don't see or hear him personally; however, I do see that he places it in the hearts of others to help me in my time of need.  God comes to me through those people.

I still have my struggles and worries.  I still have an eating disorder, which I have had for more than half of my life now, which I battle every day.  I still have urges when the pain is so deep inside of me to cut myself to snap myself out of the pain....but I don't, and I won't.  I fight it.  I fight my anorexia.  Yes, I have a low BMI, which means, that technically, I am underweight; however, I keep my weight above the danger level, and I won't let it get too low.  Why do I fight these things?  For my son.  He needs me, and I need him.

I may be waiting on several things, but I do not want to rush time by in any way.  And the reason that I don't is because I cherish each and every moment with my little boy, and I don't want that time to rush by.

My son keeps me going.  He keeps me pushing forward and not giving up.  My son is my reason for living.

Some people may look at me and/or read my story and think, "She has nothing", and to all of those people, I say, "I have EVERYTHING!"

It's been a long, hard road, but I believe that God has a plan for me.  I know he does!  I keep my Faith Strong, and I am waiting for Him to show me His plan for me, and I will follow.

As long as I keep my Faith Strong, I know that God will continue to take care of my son and I, as He has been all along, and I feel that my Faith is Stronger now, than it ever has been before.

I am under extreme financial hardship and I am constantly scared of not being able to pay my bills, but at the same time, I can honestly say that I am so Extremely Blessed, and God has been taking care of my son and i all along, and that I know He will continue to do so as long as I keep my Faith Strong!  Thanks Be To God!

I won't give up though, and I never will...all for the love of my son...

Getting back to the settlement....Usually in a divorce, the marital debts are split 50/50.  I was so fed up and just wanted this divorce over, that I agreed to take on all of the marital debts except for the outstanding balance of the Suzuki Grand Vitara which was reposessed.

In regards to child support, by law I am allowed to receive 12% interest compounded monthly on all outstanding child support.  But I didn't go after that.  It's not that I don't need the money, and I am still going after my ex for all of the child support that is in arrears...it's just that I'm over it.

The main thing that I wanted was and still is, what I honestly feel is for my son's best interest, and that is for me to remain his legal, sole residential guardian (which I already am, and that would not have changed); and for me to be my son's sole decision maker, which only makes sense, especially with me being his sole residential guardian.

I also wanted my ex to have low visitation time.  That may sound harsh, but my ex has proven himself to be an irresponsible father when my son was with him.  Also, my ex has only seen my son once in over a year and a half.  My son's 3rd birthday came and went, and my ex didn't even send my son a birthday gift.  If my ex was a good and responsible father, then I would have agreed to more visitation time; but he is not, and he has proven that over and over.

Even with having low visitation time, I can almost guarantee you that my ex will be forfeiting what visitation time he does have.

My ex has not changed whatsoever.  I do not talk to him unless it's about my son.  The last time I spoke to him, I was telling him about our son, and my ex changed the subject to whether or not I am changing my last name back to my maiden name.  I should have ended the conversation or told him, that, that was not his concern, but instead, I didn't.  I told him that I was keeping my last name, for which my ex went off, and got upset and went off on a "tizzy".  He went on and on and on about it, and he was basically telling (or trying to tell me) what he wanted me to do, which was to change my last name back to my maiden name.

I called back my ex and left him a voice mail, and I indicated on there that going forward, to please not ask me about my personal life, as I don't ask him about his, and our conversations should be about our son, and that's it.  I informed him on his voice mail that if he changes the subject off of our son, and on to my personal life, that I was going to kindly excuse myself from the conversations, and say goodbye, and then end the call.

I will not change my mind though.  This is something that I thought long and hard over.  Most people were giving me their "2 cents", and were telling me to change my last name back to my maiden name, and how that would send my ex a message.  First of all, I was the one who filed for the divorce...isn't that enought of a message?  Besides, my decision had NOTHING to do with my ex.  When I couldn't decide what to do, I prayed about it.  I asked God to help me come up with an answer.  Approximately 1 or 2 days later, I felt the answer inside of me.  It was very intense.  It was in my heart.  I knew what the right thing for me to do was, and that was to keep my last name...all for the love of my son.  As my son grows older, he will know his last name.  It is extremely important to me that my son has his Mommy's last name, and that I have his last name.  It is my decision, and that is what I decided to do.

But that's the way my ex is.  He is irrational, and there is no rationalizing with somebody who is irrational.

Three weeks...three weeks from today, and my divorce SHOULD finally be finalized.....May 10th to be exact.  I can't wait until it is finalized!  On top of it, my probation will be over at the end of July.  July 28th is my last day of probation, and July 29th, I am finally off of being on probation, after having been on it for three years.

Now my major obstacle is to find a job, which is more challenging than it may sound, because despite my experience, my record is preventing me from getting a job.  I won't give up though, and I never will....all for the love of my son, as he needs me, and I need him.

My nightmare is almost over!

My attorney received 2 court dates for me.  A temporary one in April, which means, if the Judge has time to hear my case, they would, and if not, then more waiting.  I also received a permanent court date in July.

I did not want to go to court though.  Eventhough I have an attorney, and my ex does not, I know the games that he plays in court, and the manipulation, and the lies.  He does the "poor me" thing...and "but your Honor, I'm his father"...and blah, blah, blah.

Forget the fact that he voluntarily quit his job and moved 2 time zones away only to have no job; and the fact that he forfeited FIVE visitations with my son; and that he has only seen my son one time in over a year and a half; and that he barely asks about my son; and how he would see my son over the webcam and then "disappear"; not to mention, he doesn't pay court ordered child support.

Despite all of the above, I've been to court enough times to know what my ex would do, and I wanted to prevent that.  In addition, I wanted to expedite this feels like, never-ending divorce.

Amazingly enough, my ex actually agreed to settle with me.  By him agreeing to settle, that will definitely expedite things.

Here are some terms of the Settlement Agreement:

Legal, Sole Residential Guardian - Me
Legal, Sole Decision Making - Me

Visitation Time:
My ex will get 2 weeks per year, broken down in to 2, seven day segments (each seven days including traveling time)

Holiday Time:
My ex will get 4 days for Christmas every even year (counting traveling time)
My ex will get 4 days for Thanksgiving every odd year (counting traveling time)

All of the above time, my ex is allowed to take my son out of Colorado.

Holiday Time in Colorado only:
My ex will get the Saturday and Sunday prior to my son's birthday every year
My ex will get the Saturday and Sunday of Father's day every year
My ex will get the Saturday and Sunday prior to my ex's birthday every year

*The above means that my ex would pick up my son Saturday morning, and drop him off to me on Sunday night.  My ex is not allowed to cross Colorado state lines with my son*

The grand total of time that my ex is allowed to have with my son per year is 24 days, and 18 nights (broken down in to 6 segments, all including traveling time).  My ex is not allowed to combine holiday time with visitation time.

Sound harsh?  Well, I have documented proof that proves that when my son has been with my ex, that my ex has not taken good care of my son.  I am doing what I feel is in my son's best interest.  This is not about my ex and I.  This is about my son, and his well-being, which is my #1 top priority.

I do not talk bad about my ex in front of my son, as I believe as my son grows older, he will make his own decisions, and I will not put any pre-conceived notions inside his head.  My son is smart, and I believe that he'll remember and know who has always been there for him, and who has not.

Should my ex step up to the plate and be a responsible father, and my son comes to me when he is older, and he tells me on his own, that he wants to see his father more, than I will allow him too.  I just want my son to be happy.  But my son is only 3, and he is much too young to understand, and he doesn't have a relationship with my ex.  I am doing in my heart, what I feel is in my son's best interest.

In March, I paid to have the Child Support Enforcement Agency to get involved, as I really need the child support, and I am struggling financially.  I don't know when I'll get child support, because my ex living out of state will hold things up.

It's scary.  I'm not going to lie.  I make much less than half of what I used to make.  My ex doesn't pay child support, and refuses to, and things have never been so tight for me.  I've been doing everything I can think of.  While working full-time at my current job, I have been looking for a Commercial Real Estate job like I used to have.

I go to food pantries for help with food.  I've had to lower my pride, and I cry when I am there because it is so emotional on me, but my son has never gone without, and I make sure that he will never have to go without.

I'm selling what personal belonging that I have left, and I have been going to Churches for help. 

I keep a very Strong Faith in God, as I know that He has been taking care of my son and I all along, and that He will continue to do so.  I know that God has a plan for me, and I pray that He shows me His plan soon, and I will follow, and I hold on to Matthew 6:25-6:34.

I have my Final Court Hearing on May 10th.  It's finally almost over!  My attorney told me that the Judge would sign the paperwork right there on the bench.  Thanks be to God!  My nightmare is almost over!

May will make 2 years and 8 months since I originally filed for a divorce.  2 years and 8 months of waiting.  That is the same amount of time that my marriage lasted.  It is my opinion that if the waiting period to get married was switched with the amount of time that a divorce takes, that there would be alot less divorces in this world!

My ex seems to think that he is above the law...

August of 2010....my ex's fourth time that he forfeited his visitation time with my son.  Later on in that month, I asked my ex why he didn't even have the decency of telling me before-hand whether it be a 2 sentence email; a text; or a phone call, that he was going to forfeit his visitation.  His response?  It was "too hard" on him.

I have no empathy for him.  It takes alot for me to have empathy for anybody due to the life that I have led, and the obstacles that life threw at me, which I overcame.....and it wasn't easy.  So when I hear somebody complaining about what to me is, something petty, I have no empathy.  No, that doesn't mean that I am mean to them in any way....it just means that on the inside, I don't want to hear it.

Once August passed, that was it.  My ex was no longer legally allowed to remove my son from Colorado.  He had his chances, but he forfeited them.  There were no court dates set.  No more visitations scheduled.

September and October passed.  Just me and my little boy.  And I'm not complaining one bit!  I LOVE my son, and I absolutely LOVE being HIS Mommy!  :-) 

Since 2008, when I lost my Commercial Real Estate job, it's been extremely hard to find a job.  Between the recession, and more than that...having a record, companies wouldn't hire me, and believe me, I've tried.  I've actually been offered a job and then HR "pulled the plug" so to speak, when they saw that I have a record.

That's how it's been.  Most employment agencies won't even work with me.  And I've lost lower paying jobs because of how much money I used to make...they considered me a "risk" in that I was worth much more money, and they didn't want to invest time or money in me, because they knew I could make more, and they were afraid that I'd leave.

And the thing is, I'm a hard worker.  And I have great exerience.  Six years doing Commercial Real Estate, and approximately 8 1/2 years of Accounting experience.

So I would work at little jobs on and off that I would find, and I even worked on a temporary assignment.  But what I really needed, was a full-time, permanent job, and finally in November, I got a full-time job.  I don't even make half of what I used to make, but at least it's something.  I take my son to school during the day while I'm at work.

Previously, my ex and I worked out that he would have every even Christmas with my son, and that I would have every odd year.  Well, December of 2010 was an even year.  My son was not allowed to cross Colorado state lines, so I offered my ex to spend Christmas with my son here in Colorado.  My ex said he had no money; no place to stay; no way to get around; and so on, and so forth.  I actually offered my ex to stay at my home (sleeping on the couch) so this way he wouldn't have to pay for a place to stay, and I offered to help drive him a bit.  All he needed to do would be to buy the plane ticket.

This way, he would be able to see my son from the moment my son woke up on Christmas morning.  Considering how very mean my ex has been to me, I think that was  pretty nice of me to offer.  He would get to see my son, and I was happy that even though it was an even year, I'd still get to see my son as well.

Do I even need to say what happened at this point?  If you've been following my blog, I'm sure you'll know what happened.  He forfeited his vistation.  This made my ex's FIFTH visitation that he forfeited with my son.  Let me repeat that....he forfeited his FIFTH visitation.  Some "parent".

At least I can say that I tried, and that I was nice, and that I gave him the opportunity to see his son.  I didn't have to offer him that.  I have no guilt.  I mean, to offer my ex to stay at my home for Christmas took alot out of me. 

Christmas was wonderful!  It was my son and I, and it was the BEST Christmas that I ever had....as each Christmas with him is.

As for me ex....that was it.  He voluntarily moved, he forfeited 5 visitations, he'd see my son over the webcam using skype, and then "disappear" for long periods of times, and he'd barely ever ask about my son...only when it was convenient for him.

And child support?  Well, my ex seems to think that he is above the law.  He was court ordered to pay child support in court on May 4, 2010.  He paid for May, but NOTHING for June, July, August, September, or October.  He paid a small $80.00 for November, and then nothing for December, January, and for February (of this year), he paid me $89.00.  So out of 9 straight months...he paid me no child support for 7 of them, and a whopping $169 combined total for 2 months.

There is nothing that I can do to get my child support because we are still legally married (as much as I have been trying to get my divorce finalized).  Once my divorce is finalized, the Child Support Enforcement Agency will go after my ex and garnish his wages, but until then, there's nothing that I can do, except to wait for my divorce to be finalized.

I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE! I AM A GREAT MOTHER!

As I wrote in my last blog, I was being investigated by Social Services for the THIRD time.  Not one of those times that they investigaed me was due to anything wrong that I did to my son, or for me being a bad mother.

I was at home and I heard a knock on the door, and their was a woman from Social Services.  I was in shock.  I was thinking, what now?  I am a GREAT mother!  I have NEVER hurt my son, nor would I ever.  PERIOD!  Yet they seem to keep coming after me....it's a shame because there are so many bad parents out there who are abusing their child(ren), and Social Services doesn't do a thing. Yet, they kept coming after me....a GREAT mother!  I just don't get.  Some "justice" system we have.

And me?  A mother who loves my son more than life itself, and who I do everything for, they keep coming after me.  They obviously don't know what kind of mother that I am, or how very much I love my son.

At this point, I was pretty much "over it" as far as dealing with Social Services.  The woman came to my home and I told her flat out, "If you want me to undress my son down to his diaper, I gladly will.  You will not find one mark on his body".

Her response?  That she wasn't investigating me for abuse or anything like that.  Then she told me that she was bit confused on the report herself....it was along the lines of, that I was paranoid.  Then, she started bringing up things in her conversation, which immediately told me that it came from the child therapist that I brought my son to...a total of approximately 2 times.

I explained to this woman, that my son who had only been 2 for three months, was calling different men that he would see when we were out, "Daddy".  I explained how my ex didn't believe me, and refused to work with me i.e. see my son over the webcam so my son could see and know who is Daddy is.  I explained to her that I just wanted to do everything that I could, to help his trip to Florida as smooth as possible.  I wasn't being paranoid...I was trying to help my son!

I told her flat out, that I was not sorry, and that I didn't regret what I did.  I told her if trying to help my son, and make his trip smooth for him, made them investigate me, then so be it, but I was not sorry, and I am still not sorry for looking out for my son's best interest.  To me, that makes me a better parent.

She listened, she saw me with my son, and she told me she would "investigate", and get back to me.  I didn't hear from her again.

I'm so sick of Social Services.  They can investigate me all they want.  I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE!  I AM A GREAT MOTHER!  Everything that I do, I do for my son.  I go without, so he can have.  I am extremely involved in his life, and I have been watching him thrive and flourish under my sole care.  My son is an extremely lovable, smart, and happy little boy.

So Social Services can investigate me all the want.  The truth always comes out, and I have NOTHING to hide!

While waiting to hear back from Social Services, June passed, and my ex forfeited his vistation.  This is the visitation that he begged the Magistrate for just one month earlier.

Then August came....my ex was granted visitation for one week in August.  As with June's visitation that he was granted, this visitation that he was granted in August was visitation that he begged the Magistrate for in May.

For this visitation that he forfeited, my ex didn't even have the decency to tell me in advance that he was forfeiting his visitation.  No email, not text message, no phone call...nothing.  In my opinion, he could have at least had the decency to let me know in advance...but he didn't.  But then again, if he did inform me in advance, that would be the responsible thing to do...the mature thing to do.  Two things that my ex is not.

August of 2010 made the 4th visitation time that he forfeited.  The first was for Thanksgiving of 2009, the second was January of 2010, the third was June of 2010, and the fourth was August of 2010. 

Some father.  First, he voluntarily quits his job and moves 2 time zones away from his son to live with his mother and have no job waiting for him; and then he forfeited 4 visitations.

I don't remember the month, but after a few months from the start of Social Service's 3rd investigation on me, I received a letter in the mail from Social Services which indicated that they dropped their investigation, and that it was unfounded.

Not that I have anything to hide, I was just glad that Social Services was out of my life.

As a result of trying to help my son, I was once again under investigation by Social Services...

May 4th, 2010....one of the court dates for my divorce.  The last time that I have been to court.  I appeared in person, and my ex was over the phone.  We were in front of a Magistrate.

We swore to tell the truth.  I told the truth.  He lied.

Lie after lie after lie.  And I just had to sit there and listen to his lies.

For example, he indicated that he threw my son a birthday party when he visited him.  The way he made it sound, you would think that he spent alot of money for a big party.  My son did have a birthday party, but it was just the 3 of us, and in my home.  My ex bought 6 cupcakes, and some decorations from the dollar store.  He bought him a few gifts.  But the way he made it sound, you would think he spent hundreds of dollars.

He told the Magistrate that he did come to Colorado with money.  But the fact of the matter is, he didn't.  I had the bill from the medication that I purchased for my son, for which he didn't even give me a dime.  A good father would have helped pay.  When I told my ex that I needed him to help pay, my ex told me that he "had no money".  He denied all of that, and the Magistrate did not want to see the bill that I had with me.

He just kept lying, and doing the "poor me" thing.  It sickens me.  His lies were so bad, that the Magistrate even turned around at one point and said, "Well obviously, one of you is lying".  I was sitting there thinking, "Yes, HE is lying".  But my ex is so good and lying and manipulating, that the Magistrate didn't know who to believe.

Then my ex started complaining that he missed his son.  The Magistrate did confront him as to why he moved so far away from his son.  I don't remember my ex's exact answer.  I think it was something along the lines of, that he needed his family's support.

In my opinion, when a person has a child, that child should come FIRST in their life.  I'm not saying that other family members aren't important, but to me, a great parent will always put their child first....Period.  That's what I do.  He doesn't.

After he told his sob story about why he moved, the Magistrate confronted him about why he forfeited his visitation time with my son for Thanksgiving 2009.  My ex indicated that he had no money.  My ex always has an excuse for everything.  Always.  In my opinon....a great parent would find a way to see their child...even if it meant working multiple jobs.

My ex forfeited his second visitation with my son in January of 2010.  The visitation would have been in Colorado, as my son is not allowed to be taken out of the state of Colorado, without the court's permission.  But I gave my ex permission to visit my son in January of 2010, here in Colorado.  My ex forfeited that visitation as well.  That's 2 forfeits.....with more to come.

My ex begged and pleaded on the phone, and was saying things like, "But Your Honor, I'm his father"; "All I want to do is see my son"; "Can't I see my son"?

The Magistrate looked at me like I was keeping my son away from my ex.  But that was not the case.  My ex himself, was the reason that he wasn't seeing my son.

I forgot how much time my ex asked for.  I think he asked to see my son for 2 weeks in June.  The Magistrate only granted one week in June.  Then my ex went on to say that he wanted to see my son for 1 week in August.  The ex granted that as well.

So that was 2 visitations that he was granted...one in June of 2010, and one in August of 2010.

Then the Magistrate ordered him to pay child support.  A rather low amount.  She orderd him to pay me on the 20th of every month, for that month i.e. May's child support would have been due on May 20th.

I left court upset.  His lies...his manipulation....he always seems to get away with it.  I've never seen anything like it before.

So, my ex paid me my child support for May.  June was coming up, which meant that my son who only just turned 2 years old in February, would be going to Florida with my ex.  I was scared and worried about my son.  And at 2 years old, I could not explain to my son that he was going to visit his Daddy for one week, and then he would be coming home to his Mommy.

On top of it, my son was calling different men that he would see (who looked nothing like my ex), "Daddy".  He would do it in the parking lot, at the grocery store, etc.  I asked my ex if he would get on the webcam to see my son, so that he would know who his Daddy is.  I explained to my ex what my son was doing...well, I tried to explain, but my ex didn't want to hear it.  In fact, he kept saying that my son knew who his Daddy was.  He was not willing to see my son over the webcam.  Some father.

Since my son was calling different men that he would see while we were out, "Daddy", and my ex didn't want to help, I decided to take my son to a child therapist.  I wanted to make his trip as smooth as possible for him.  I mean, he was going to be taken away from his Mommy, and then be with my ex who he had only seen one time in 8 months, and be surrounded by ex's family, who are strangers to my son.  And then there was the plane ride.  I didn't want him to be scared.  My ex previously took my son for a short trip to Florida, and he gave him Benadryll so he would sleep the whole time...forget giving him a a bottle to help his ears....no, he gave him medicine to put him asleep.

I just wanted to find some ideas of how to explain to my son, on his level, what was going on, to help make his trip go smooth.  I wanted my son's trip to go smooth, hence my taking my son to a child's therapist.  I mean, if my ex wouldn't cooperate at all, and he wouldn't even see my son over the webcam, it was up to me, to help my son.  I had nothing but the best intentions.

As a result of trying to help my son, I was once again under investigation by Social Services.  If you have been following my blog from the beginning, you will know that this made the THIRD time that Social Services investiaged me.

Just when I thought that Social Services was gone from my life for good....they were back.

I had my precious, baby boy back, and he had his Mommy back!

Becoming my son's sole, residential legal custodian/guardian in October of 2009 made me so very happy!  I couldn't understand how my ex could move so far away from his son, but he did.

Prior to my ex moving, I had to quit both of my jobs.  Not due to laziness, but because I had nobody to watch my son.  You see, when Social Services would not let me be with my son, my ex signed my son up for government assistance....food stamps; WIC (which stands for Women, Infants, and Children); Medicaid; and government assistance for my son's daycare.  Everything was under my ex's name.  He did not take anything out of his name, and I couldn't get my son signed up for assistance, without my ex's name being off everything.

So there was no way I could work at that point, as I could not afford school for my son, nor a babysitter.

In the legal paperwork that was granted by the Judge, my son was not allowed to be taken out of the state of Colorado.  It indicated that future visititation time that my ex would receive would be worked out in the permanent paperwork.  There was one exception.  My ex was allowed to take my son to Florida, for Thanksgiving of 2009, provided that my ex supplied me with the address of where my son would be staying, and a phone number.  My ex was not granted any other time to take my son to Florida.

My ex moved to Florida on October 10, 2009.  As Thanksgiving approached, my ex forfeited his visitation time with my son, and therefore, my son was home with me.  I enjoyed our one on time together.  To get to re-bond with my precious, baby boy who was taken away from me because of a fight with my ex was what I needed.

Yes, I needed to work, but I needed that time alone with my son.  I was diagnosed as having trauma from my son being taken from me, so this time alone with him was important for each of us.  I had my precious, baby boy back, and he had his Mommy back!

I took my son to Mommy & Me Story Time at the library 3 days a week, and then Mommy & Me Gymnastics, twice a week.  Everything I did, I did for my baby boy, and I still do to this very day.

The months would pass.  Our home was and is still filled with peace and love.

February 14, 2010, my baby turned 2 years old.  My ex flew out to Colorado and stayed at an apartment for a week that his family paid for him.  My ex came without anything.  He didn't have a car; and he didn't have a car seat.  It was his responsibility to bring a car seat!  Obviously, without a car seat, he couldn't take my son anywhere.  So every day my ex would come over.  He told me that he had no money.  My son was sick at the time and needed medicine which cost over $70.  My ex wouldn't even help me pay for his medicine.  He would also proceed to tell me that he had no money for food.

So he came with no money; no car seat; and no supplies for my son.  The one thing he did do was buy a box of diapers for my son, but that was it.  My ex would come by during the day, and leave in the evenings. 

Now, I would think that a parent who hasn't seen their son, and who didn't know the next time that he would see his son, would want to spend every waking moment with him.  But not my ex....no.....he was busy texting continuously, and making plans for the evenings, etc.  He even rushed my poor son's birthday party because he "had to go" for the evening.

Then he left back to Florida.  After that, it was back to my son and I being alone together.

May of 2010, I went to divorce court.  At this point, I was representing myself, as the attorney that I had was good at drawing up the legal paperwork, but as far as everything else, she didn't get much accomplished, except for charging alot of money.

What would happen in court that day in May of 2010 was a joke...

I was FINALLY, my son's legal, sole, residential, custodian/guardian!

August of 2009.....Social Services had FINALLY dropped their investigation on me.  They started it in July of 2008, and I believe it was in July or August of 2009 that they dropped it.  And why?  Because I am a GREAT mother and I have never hurt nor would I ever hurt my son.

My biological father who lives in NY was going to come visit me.....this is after me asking him multiple times to come visit me, and each time he told me "No".  My sister who lives in TN was going to fly in at the same time as him.  They were going to come at the end of August.

Well, in August, I learned that since Social Services dropped their case on me, my divorce got dropped as well.  If you've been following my blog from the beginning, you may remember that the Magistrate rolled up my divorce along with the case with Social Services.

I was absolutely HORRIFIED to learn that my divorce was dropped!  And now, me ex could legally take my son to Florida with him.  I had to act, and fast!  Fortunately, I don't even thing my ex realized that the divorce case got dropped, and that he could legally take my son to Florida. 

I ended up telling my biological father and my sister, that their trip had to be rescheduled.  I apologized, and told each of them, that it was a very bad time for me, and it truly was.  They blew up.  They wouldn't take "no" for an anwer.  I even offered to pay for any penalties, but that didn't help, nor did it change anything.  They told me that they were coming anyway....TOLD ME....like I was a child.  Neither one of them respected my wishes or feelings at all.  That was it.  I had enough.  Enough of my biological constantly screaming at me like I was and am a child...and my sister was not much better.  No, she didn't scream at me like he did, but she was just like him, and she could do no wrong in his eyes.

It was after each of them told me that they were coming anyway despite what I said, that I got fed up, and left my apartment for the 4 days or so that they were going to come and visit.  I stayed at a hotel.  I had enough stress going on....I didn't need them to add to it, and I didn't want them showing up at my door.  I asked them nicely to please reschedule....but it didn't matter how nice I asked them....neither one of them respected me for the adult that I am.

It was at the end of August, that I received a message from my father via FaceBook.  He told me that my mother was very ill.  As I would soon learn, she had/has stage 4 liver disease.  I hadn't talked to my mother for years, and I was still mad at her, but I at least wanted to send her a message.  And so I did.  I believe I emailed her.  I told her something along the lines of, that I was sorry to hear about her health condition, and that I loved her, and that I would pray for her.

My mom and I started talking.  I was very skeptical because of how abusive she always was to me in the past.  Low and behold, my mother had changed!  She was no longer abusing prescription drugs.  She wasn't the controlling person that she always was to me.  I got my mother back!  The mother that I once had, but lost for a long time.  I told her that I had a son, and we started filling eachother in on our lives.

This was still a horrible time in my life.  My ex could still legally take my son to Florida.  My mother offered to hire me an attorney, and I took her up on her offer, and I had my attorney file a new divorce.  My biological father and my mother were, and are, like day and night. 

My mother was horrified to hear what I have been through.  She knew I was going through a horrible time, and how scared I was.  After she already booked her flight to come to see me, she offered to reschedule her trip, if it would be easier on me.  She didn't scream...she wasn't angry...she simply offered.  She even said, "that's what cancellation insurance is for".  Wow.  What a difference between her and my biological father and sister.

I told her not to re-schedule her trip, and that I wanted her to come.  She did.  Our reunion was a bit emotional.  I was holding my precious baby boy, and I answered my door holding him.

So now, my ex could no longer legally take my son out of Colorado.  That gave me a peace of mind.

It was nice to see my mother...and to see how she had changed over the years.  I was very proud of her!

She visited for about 4 days or so, before she flew back to where she lives.

October came....I was working 2 jobs.  One of them was the part-time job that I worked at while I was married to my ex.  The other job was part-time as well, but I was doing the best that I could do.  Then my ex turned around and told me that he was moving back to Florida.

My ex indicated that there was nothing for him in Colorado.  Nothing for him?  He is a father!  In my opinion, a great parent puts their child FIRST.  I mean, I was willing to stay at a shelter just so that I could see my son, even if only for once or twice a week.  How he could just quit his job and move 2 time zones away from his son, I will never be able to understand.  He went home to live with his mother....and no, he had no job waiting for him there.  He just wanted to be near "his family"....forget his own son....he wanted to back to live with his mother.  That disgusts me.

Prior to him moving, my attorney drew up temporary legal paperwork (while waiting for the permanent hearing and paperwork to be drawn up).  It indicated that I was, and that I am, the legal, sole, residential custodian/guardian of my son.  My ex signed the paper work, as did I...my attorney sent it to the court, and the Judge granted it.

I was FINALLY, my son's legal, sole, residential, custodian/guardian!  I couldn't be happier!

My ex started proving that he was a poor father, yet I was the one being investigated...

My ex was and is a "charmer".  He comes across all innocent, and victim-like, singing, "poor me".  Everybody believed him, and felt bad for him.  It sickens me.

He was, and still is, a lousy father....at least in my opinion.  And as I continue to write, you will see why I wrote that, and why I think he is a lousy father.

March of 2009....I was still be investigated...court was still going on, and my ex and I were alternating weeks with my son.

Since I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage for my house, it was going in to foreclosure.  My ex, who had been living there and not paying for the house, had no choice but to move.  I would ask him to please give me access to the house so I could pick up some of my belongings, yet he refused.  He was so mean.

I believe that it was May of 2009, that my ex moved in to the apartment complex that I was living in.  You heard me right....I moved there in December of 2008, and I had been living there, and then he moves in to the same apartment complex where I lived first, 5 months later.  This is the same "man" that called the cops on me, and made me out to be a monster.  If he was so "scared" of me, why did he move in to the same apartment complex as me?  I know if I was scared of somebody, I would stay as far away from them as possible.

Once he moved, he FINALLY let me in the house.  I had two people with me.  The place was trashed.  And that is an understatement.  There were baby bottles with green mold in it....GREEN MOLD.  I took pictures of everything.  I had two witnesses with me.  They were disgusted by the mess as well.  I called Social Services and told them about the environment that he had my son in...and about the bottles.  Their response?  "Well, at least he's not using the bottles".  I swear, I never saw anything like it.  He really had them wrapped around his finger.  To them, he was a saint who did no wrong, and I was some horrible monster.

I took my things out of the house, and left his stuff there.  It was hard for me to see the house that I had custom built, destroyed like it was.

Months would continue with my ex and I alternating weeks, and Social Services investigating me, and going back and forth to court.

My ex had put my son in daycare.  It was a horrible one.  My son was the youngest child there, and he was constantly coming home all bit up; and with bruises; and once with his finger nail hanging off.  And my son wasn't instigating anything.  He was being beaten up by the older children, and the teacher sat back and did nothing.

I would tell my ex to go to the daycare and check on him (he worked at a movie theatre very close to the daycare), but he would always say that he couldn't because he was working.  Well, I was working too...and much further away from that daycare, then my ex was.  I put my job in jeopardy.  My son comes first.  Period.  If I lost my job, I lost my job.  My son needed me.  Even though he couldn't tell me what was happening at that daycare, I could tell.

So, I was the one who always left my job and went to that daycare.  I reported the daycare to their corporate headquarters.  I also called Social Services.  Social Services didn't do a thing.  One of the big directors met with me and I showed her the pile of incident reports which showed how much my son was getting hurt.

Long story short, the teacher got suspended.  I was the one who handled the problem at the daycare.  I was the one who would "pop in" at the daycare and sit in the class watching for hours.  My ex did nothing.

My ex would make appointments for my son to see the pediatrician, and my ex would not take my son to the appointments he scheduled, nor would he call and cancel or reschedule the appointments.  The pediatrician's office told me one day while I was there with my son, that there were 2 "no shows" and if it happened again, they would no longer see my son.  I had no idea what they were talking about.  I asked my ex about it.  His response when I told him what the pediatrician's office said to me?  "I forgot".

Once when I took my son to the pediatrician's office, my ex asked me to ask them, how much fish my one year old was allowed to have.  First of all, children that young can not have alot of fish.  The pediatrician even told me this.  I wasn't feeding my son fish, my ex was.  She told me the tiny amount that he was allowed to have per month.  It was a very small amount.  After I told my ex the amount that she told me, he actually asked me, "is that raw or cooked"?  I was in shock!  Raw fish?  Was he serious?  I told him, None!  A child that is only one yeara old can not eat sushi.  My ex said that my son was "taking it from him"...Sure, my one year old was taking food away from my 6'3" ex.

Those are just some examples of how bad of a father he was and still is.  When it was his week, he would call me for diapers, because he had none.  He would also call me for wipes for the same reason.  I always gave them to my ex...not to help my ex out, but because I worried about my son.  My son would cry and want to stay with me when he saw me...he didn't want to be with my ex.  It broke my heart.  He would cry and cry, and hold his arms out for me, yet since it wasn't my week, there was nothing I could do.  I would cry and cry.  I worried so much about my son, and I wanted him to be home with me.  I mean, my son was with his Daddy...why did he not want to go to him?  What was going on that I didn't know about?

My ex started proving that he was a poor father, yet I was the one being investigated.  There was one day that my ex picked up my son from me, and he had him for just over 24 hours.  The next day when I picked up my son, he had such a severe diaper rash, that it looked like third degree burns.  My precious baby boy was screaming in pain.  It was on his bottom, on his front, on his back, and on his legs.  He didn't leave my home that way.  What went on in that 24 hour period?  I brought my son to the pediatrician.  The nurse took one look at my son and ran and got the pediatrician, and she asked him if it was due to child abuse (and she asked that all on her own).  The pediatrician said "no".  I nursed my baby boy back to health, and I got him all better.

One day it was my ex's turn to have my son for the week.  My ex took my son and put him in his SUV with blaring music filled with obscenities.  My apartment faced the back, so I was unaware of this.  It was two of my neighbors that told me.  The music was so loud, that it was blaring in their apartment.  I was horrified to find this out.

Regarding that sexual harassment case.  I had a restraining order from that old pervert.  The state wanted to prosecute him, and they filed their own lawsuit.  The pervert got a public defender.  He admitted to the public defender, everything that he did to me.  And he admitted that he wanted to have sex with me.  His public defender told the prosecutor, for which, the prosecutor told me.  I was surprised that he admitted everything, but I was glad that he did, because I figured that the prosecutor could convict him, and that it would hopefully be an open and shut case.

But the prosecutor told me that he couldn't do anything about it...even though that pervert admitted everything.  Why?  Because it was attorney to attorney confidentiality.  The prosecutor couldn't reveal anything that was said to him in court.  And the prosecutor told me that the pervert would more than likely take "the 5th", and not testify at all, making it hard to prove the case.  That case manager lost his job.  That was it.  He got off scott-free in my opinion.

My biological father was verbally abusive to me on the phone.  He would have me hysterical.  He would scream at me and say the meanest things.  He accused me of lying when I told him of how I was sexually harassed.  Sure, he helped me out a little bit financially (trust me, it didn't hurt him)...but that didn't give him the right to treat me like he did.

This post is now leading in to August of 2009.

It felt so great to be reunited with my precious baby boy!

The way I was able to get my son every other week is because of two reasons:  1) Social services didn't have anything on me after months and months of investigating me.  And why?  Because I am a GREAT mother and I have never nor would I ever hurt my son; 2) My ex and I went to mediation and agreed on alternating weeks that each of us would have my son.

So it was January, and although Social Services wasn't finished with their investigation, I'd have my precious baby boy every other week.  The weeks when my ex had my son was so difficult on me....especially the first day.  I would think my son was in his room and I would look in his room to see him, and then I would remember that he was with my ex.  It hurt very much so when I realized that my son wasn't at home with me.  At least I was getting every other week unsupervised, which was much better than what I was receiving.

My ex and I agreed on a division of the things we owned, and so, my ex who still had me locked out of my own house and would not let me in, dropped off my furniture to me.  It felt so great to finally have my furniture.

I believe that it was in January, that I was sexually harassed yet again.  If you've been following my whole blog, you may remember that I was sexually harassed previously by my boss.  This time, I was sexually harassed by my case manager.  As a reminder...a case manager represents the mental health treatment center.  The case manager is SUPPOSED to be part of your support system.  The case manager has access to a person's file i.e. the therapist's notes, and the psychiatrist's notes.

He used to make me feel uncomfortable.  I told that to my therapist, and I told her of the things he would say to me.  Her response?  "He said that to you?"  And I would say "yes", for which she said, "That was inappropriate."  She asked me if I was able to confront him, and I told her that as much as I wanted to, that I couldn't.  So she knew that I was unable to put confront him.   I did my part.  I reported him.  I told her that I didn't feel comfortable reporting him, that's when, in my opinion, SHE should have done something about it, but she didn't.

The sexual harassment continued.  And then one day he came to my apartment and starting saying extremely innapropriate things to me, as well as doing innapropriate things such as lifting up my pant leg while I was sitting on the couch, and biting my knee for which I was trying to pull my pant leg down and get him off of me, and then as I was trying to get him out of my apartment, he pushed my hair aside and started nibbling on my neck.

He told me that he was coming over to my apartment the next morning to "get in to bed with me".  I was horrified.  I was crying.  I felt violated and scared of him coming back.  I remember I had to go to work, and before doing so, I took a wad of toilet paper and wet it down and started scrubbing myself hard...my neck and my knees.  I felt so dirty.  I wanted him off of me.  I had no time to shower...I had to get to work.  I cried and cried.

That night after work, I went to the police department and asked the cop for his advice.  He told me that I should file a report against him, and so I did.  It was 3 pages long...hand written.  I told the police officer how I was scared of him coming to my apartment the next morning like he said he was going to.  This pervert kept calling me, but I didn't answer my phone to him.

Keep in mind, his words and actions were UNWANTED.  He was much older than me...I think he was in his late 60's.  He was not my type in any way, and the fact that he was married for 45 years didn't seem to stop him from making passes at me.  That wouldn't be the end of my battle with him, as in a future post, I will be writing what came of it all.

In January, my ex offered me to have the whole month of February of 2009 alone with my son.  He said it was to make up for me not being able to see him, and he also said it was because he needed a break.  I believe his last reason was his REAL reason.  And to that I think...he needed a break from his own son?  My gosh, I can't get enough time with my son...HE is my WHOLE WORLD and I cherish every moment with him! 

I gladly took my son for the full month of February 2009.  It felt great to be reunited with my precious baby boy!

Come March of 2009, we started alternating weeks again.  One week on and one week off.  I hated my "off" weeks.  I missed my son so much.

My ex still had me barracaded out of my house, and I still had things of mine in there.

And so my road was far from over.  I had to deal with my ex who was emotionally abusive to me; I was still under investigation and going in and out of court by social services; and now on top of it all, I was just sexually harassed.

It was MY SON that made me want to keep living...

So there I was, staying at a different place.  It was definitely an improvement from where I was staying, but I still wanted my own place.

I was working part-time at that same retail store, and then I found a full-time job.  I worked, and I was still in and out of court and under investigation by social services and casa...not to mention, the guardian ad litem.  I'd get to see my precious, little baby boy once or twice a week, but they wouldn't let me see him more than that.

I was paying for the bills for a house that I was literally locked out of, but I continued doing so, for the love of my baby boy.

I continued going to therapy, and taking the classes that the court ordered me too. 

My biological father continued being emotionally abusive to me over the phone.  He would constantly have me in tears.

I was in so much pain.  The worst pain, was the pain of not being with my son.  I missed him so much.  I can't think about it too much, as I feel my eyes starting to tear up as I am writing this and I am trying to prevent myself from crying........too late......tears are flowing down my face, so I'm going to try to get through this post, and hope that it makes sense.

The pain of having my precious baby boy...the BEST BLESSING that God has ever given me....taken away from me, and I NEVER hurt him...nor would I.  What I did to my ex was wrong.  I admit it.  I don't deny it.  But I NEVER hurt my precious, little baby boy.  He was, and still is my whole world....HE is my reason for living.

I wanted to die.  I literally wanted to die.  The pain was so bad....so deep.  I had urges to cut myself.  I hadn't cut myself for quite a while, but the urges came back, with a vengeance.  The pain was so deep.  Sure, my psychiatrist had me on an anti-depressant, but it didn't do anything.  I wasn't depressed.  I missed my baby.  NO drug could possibly take away the sadness of having my baby boy taken away from me.  No, it was not depression...it was, as I call it, "situational sadness".  I was sad due to the situation.

I fought the urges though.  All of them.  All for the love of my son.  It was MY SON that made me want to keep living.  It was MY SON that stopped me from cutting myself.  It was so very hard not to cut myself, because although cutting is an unhealthy coping mechanism...it works....at least for me it did.  Yes, it was only temporary, and the pain always came back, but even to relieve the pain temporary was so very tempting.

I was constantly calling the crisis center.  I programmed their phone number on my cell phone.  I would call them constantly.  Sometimes, several times a day/night.  I was an emotional mess.

And my ex...oh, my ex...his true colors certainly continued coming out.

Finally, after 6 months of being homeless (even though I had a 4 bedroom house which was solely in my name, I was homeless)....I got myself an apartment in my home town here in Colorado.  I moved in to my apartment in December of 2008.  I only had my clothes.  My ex wouldn't let me enter the house to get my belongings.  He was so mean to me.  All I wanted was to enter the house when he wasn't home, so I could get some of MY belongings.  He wouldn't let me though.

At first when I tried to move in to my apartment, I was denied because I have a record.  It shows up as "assault" on my record.  Since 2008, I've been treated like I killed somebody.  The only way I got in to the aparment, is because I submitted a letter explaining what happened on that day, and I also submitted letters from medical professionals which indicated that I wasn't a threat.   

I was determined....I had to live somewhere.  I needed my own place for both my son and myself.  I was glad the lettters worked.

So having nothing, I bought myself an air mattress to sleep on.  I don't remember when my ex finally let me have some of my things.  I think it was in January of 2009.

So I was taken away from my baby on June 14, 2008, and finally in December of 2008, I was allowed to be with him alone for short periods of time.  Six long months...six months of them monitoring me with my little boy...and they only started letting me be alone with him in my own apartment in December for limited periods of time.  I think the first time might have been on Christmas.

The week before Christmas, I lost that full-time job I was working.  I didn't like that job, and the money was low, but still...it was money.  Talk about horrible timing.  Still, I was able to buy my baby boy presents from Santa Claus.  It was his first Christmas.  I had a miniature table top tree that I had on the ground since I had no furniture, and I wrapped up all of his gifts, and I even had a stocking for him.

My ex let me see my precious baby boy Christmas afternoon, and Christmas evening.  It felt so good to be alone with him in my own home, and not at the office of Social Services.

I had no furniture.  I would sit on the ground.  The only thing that I had was my air mattress.  Finally, January came, and my ex let me have some of my furniture...prior to me taking it, we agreed on who would get what.  It felt good to be able to sit on a couch.

Effective in January of 2009, my ex and I would alternate weeks that we each had our son.  I would get my son for a whole week at a time!  It felt so wonderful to have my baby boy back again, and to be able to hold him, and not get told, "times up", and have him ripped away from me.  It was an improvement.  It was a step in the right direction.

Still, my journey was far from over.  The road in front of me was still long, and it would be a rough one.  But at least I had my baby back.

There was no way I was going to leave my baby's side, nor would I ever leave his side...

In and out of court for months.  I felt like it was never going to be over.  I wouldn't give up though.  My precious baby boy needed his Mommy, and I needed him.  And I NEVER did anything to hurt him, nor would I ever hurt him.

I had nothing to hide, and as I said before, when you have nothing to hide...there's nothing to worry about.  The truth will eventually come out.  But still, they kept their investigation going on me for months.

I was so very sad, and that is a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT.  I had a great pyschiatrist that I was seeing.  Sure, I had seen other psychiatrists in my life...all of them whom I referred to as "shrinks".  This was the first psychiatrist that I didn't refer to as a "shrink".  She listened to me.  She truly listened to me.  I had a great deal of respect for her.

I was so very sad.  No, it was not depression.  It's what I called "situational sadness".  I told my psychiatrist that, and she agreed with me.  She told me it was understandable.  I mean, here I was, a GREAT mother who never once hurt my precious baby boy, yet they took him away from me.  I was sad because I missed my baby.  I wanted to hold him again.

I told my psychiatrist about what my ex was saying to me.  Her reply?  That there are many parents that have personal difficulties for which they seek help for, but they are GREAT parents, and then there are parents who don't see a therapist or psychiatrist, and they are HORRIBLE parents.  It made me feel good when she said that because my ex continue telling me that I would lose because I was seeking therapy.

She told me that I was suffering from trauma.  The trauma of having my precious baby boy taken away from me.

My SUV was so behind in payments, that even though they could not find the vehicle, I knew that I had to voluntarily turn it in.  I called United Way, and I got the number of a place that helps those in need by selling them used for very cheap.  I was told when I called, that they didn't have any cars, and that they'd put me on the waiting list.  If I remember correctly, I was #25 on the waiting list.  25...I was horrified.

At that rate, it would be a long time before I got a car.  You see, the cars they sold were cars that were donated.  I cried...I begged...I explained my situation.  I received a phone call back either that day or the next day, and she told me that they had a car for me.  No, they didn't receive 25 cars....I guess she felt my pain.

I immediately came and paid for the car.  It was a 20 year old brown station wagon.  It reminded me of the "Brady Bunch" car.  Still, it was my car.  I paid for it...it ran....and I didn't have to worry about it being reposessed.  I left my SUV in that parking lot, and I called up the SUV maker, and I informed them that my payment were behind, and I was voluntarily reposessing it, as I could not afford to make the car payments due to losing my job.

I stayed at my friend's aparment from June 20, 2008 to the end of September/October.  I think that was long enough for her.  Even though I stayed out of her way, I'm sure she wanted her privacy.  She told me that she was going to be moving. 

I had no place to go.  I have no family in Colorado, and I felt so alone.  I was still working at that part time job that I started in 2006.  A woman there was talking about her house, and how she just cleaned 5 bathrooms.  I figured with 5 bathrooms...perhaps she had a place for me, and she only had 2 adult children, and only one of them lived at home.  So I asked her if I could please stay with her.  Fortunately, she said "yes".

She had a room for me in her downstairs, and I even had my own bathroom.  Her and her husband worked hard on cleaning it up for me, and getting it prepared for me to stay in.  I was so grateful.  I was so grateful to no longer have to sleep on the floor.  I believe I started staying with her in September or October.  I don't remember.  I just know that it was before Halloween.

I would talk to my sister and my biological father on the phone.  Sure, my biological father helped me out a bit financially, but trust me, it didn't hurt him.  He owns 2 homes (both in the North East), and he makes alot of money.  The amount of money that he helped me out with, would be like me giving a penny to a person.  Don't get me wrong, I was appreciative of any help that I received...I'm just trying to explain his financial situation.  He lives very comfortably.

My biological father....boy, was he abusive to me over the phone.  He would yell and scream at me (no exaggeration).  He would have my crying practically every time we were on the phone.  Sure, he may have stopped drinking like he used to when I was young (although he would still drink), but he was still so very emotionally abusive.

I was talking to my sister and my biological father and that was it.  I was all alone.  I had no real support.  None of my family lived in Colorado so I was all alone.  But MY family lived in Colorado...my precious, little baby boy, and there was no way I was going to leave my baby's side, nor would I ever leave his side.

I will never forget that day...I will never forget that Magistrate...

Back and forth....back and forth....that's the way my ex was.  One minute he wanted to be with me, and the next minute, he didn't.  Talk about mind games...it was like a roller coaster.

But I took vows...."for better for worse"....and I meant that.  When I married my ex, I planned on it being for life.  I MEANT my vows.  I don't believe he did.  In my opinion, that's why the divorce rate is high.  People get married when all is going well, and they vow to be with one another forever....and then life happens....the "worse" comes.....in my opinion, that's when it's time for the couple to work it out together.  Sure it may be difficult to do so, but marriage takes work from both people.  And when the two get through that "worse", it brings them closer together in the end.  But if both people aren't willing to get through the rough times together....when one person chooses the easy way out.....then comes the divorce.  To me, not trying to work things out is the easy way out.  So I was willing to work things out, but my ex wasn't.  Why did he take vows?

So there I was, working on trying to save my marriage.  I started therapy BEFORE I was sentenced to attend therapy.  Why?  Not to make myself look good in front of the Judge.  No.  I started therapy because I WANTED to change myself.  I wanted to learn the "tools" to handle my anger in a healthy manner when I was angry...the skills that I never saw or learned growing up.  I WANTED to better myself....for my son and for myself.

My ex went to one, maybe two of my therapy sessions with me.  At my therapy session with him, the therapist told my ex to never pin me down to the bed again, and that when he did that, he probably triggered a memory in my head...a memory from my childhood that I had blocked out.

I was telling my ex what I planned on doing the next time I got upset...I was going to try one of a couple of different things.  One of them being, telling my ex, "When you ______, it made me feel _____."  If that didn't work, I was going to take a "time-out" for myself.  Either spend time with my precious baby boy, or if he was sleeping, then take a walk, or watch a sitcom on TV.  I was not going to fight with my ex.

But as I stated above, my ex chose the easy way out.....at least in my opinion.  And so, on went the mind games.  It was during a time where he didn't want to be with me that I said to him over the phone, "but what about our vows?  We said through better or worse.  This is a 'worse'.  We can get through this together".  And I meant it.  I was speaking from my heart.  His reply?  "Stop trying to manipulate me".  I just cried and cried.  I wasn't trying to "manipulate" him.  I was telling him how I honestly felt.

So in and out of court I continued to go.  And on and on his mind games continued. 

Since it was a civil case, I had a court-appointed attorney.  This attorney was different then the one for my criminal case.  In and out of court....over and over.

My ex was still talking about taking my son to Florida.  That horrified me.  And then he told me yet again, that he didn't want to be with me.  If he didn't want to be with me...than so be it, but I wasn't going to sit back and let him take my son to Florida.  Had he done so, I would have never gotten the chance to see my precious baby boy.

So I did what I had to do.  I filed for a divorce in September of 2008.  I filled out the paperwork at the court house.  I was crying the whole time.  I was crying when I was paying to have my ex served.  But I was doing what I had to do.  I couldn't force him to want to be with me, and I had to stop him from taking my precious baby boy to Florida.  By law, once I filed for a divorce, my ex was not allowed to move my son out of the state of Colorado.  Period.

In the midst of going in and out of court, the Magistrate combined the civil case along with the divorce case, and the Magistrate rolled it up in to one big case.

I was working, and my ex was still not.  I was paying for the house bills over the phone with my debit card....at least as many bills as I could with the low salary I was receiving.  No, I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage anymore since I lost my Commercial Real Estate job, but at least I could pay for some of the bills.  My ex stayed in the house and he let ME pay the bills, and he went to Social Services, and got them to help pay the rest of the bills.  Talk about lazy.  But then again, he was lazy the whole time we were married.

As I previously wrote, he took the SUV that I paid cash for, and he left me with the one with a hefty car payment.  One, which I could no longer afford without my Commercial Real Estate job.  The payments were months behind.  I'm sure they were looking for the SUV to reposses it; however, I was staying 45 minutes away with a friend, and they had no idea where the vehicle was.

I asked my ex to swap SUV's with me, as I needed to work.  He wouldn't.  His reponse?  "Take the bus".  But there were no buses that went to the places that I had to travel to.  My ex didn't care.  The only person my ex has ever cared about was himself.

I was allowed to enter the house as long as my son was not there; however, my ex made sure that I had no access to the house.  He took my key, my garage door opener, and he took down the garage door opener that was on the outside of the house.  He completely had me locked out of my own house.

He kept playing mind games with me.  He kept telling me of how I would lose.  He kept telling me that I would not get custody of my son.  I believed him.  He said it so hateful and convincingly...not to mention, he had Social Services and everyone else, on his side.

I'll never forget that day in court.  We were in front of the Magistrate, and the Magistrate turned around and brought up a case.  I believe the name of the case was "Yates".  Not the "Yates" case that I knew about....apparantely, there was another one. 

The Magistrate looked at my ex and said, "I want the father to read up on the case of 'Yates'".  I was thinking...."Yates...Yates...what about the Yates case"?  The Magistrate went on and told my ex and the entire court room about the Yates case.  Apparantely, the mother did something horrific (I believe it was a domestic violence case).  I believe that it was alot worse than what I did.  It was after she committed that crime, that they investigated who the better parent was. 

After their investigation, the mother got sole custody.  The Magistrate told this story to the court room, and after telling about that case, he looked right at my ex and said, "So just because somebody may have made a mistake or has a record DOES NOT MEAN that they are not a good parent".  Wow.  He said that with a very stern voice, and looking straight at my ex.

It was like the Magistrate knew what my ex was doing to me; what he was saying to me; and the mind games that he was playing with me.  I was so glad that the Magistrate said that.  It made me feel so good to hear him say that, and I finally believed that I had a chance...I was convinced by my ex as to otherwise, until the Magistrate said that.  I will never forget that day...I will never forget that Magistrate.  I will never forget how good that made me feel.  He put my ex in his place, and it felt good.

The manipulation...the mind games...

And so began my battle with Social Services.  I cried and cried and cried.  I went back to my friend's aparment.  All I wanted, was to be with my precious baby boy.

As I said, I was staying at my friend's aparment.  It was not in a good section of town, and her place wasn't exactly clean, not to mention, she had a bug infestation, for which exterminators were coming in repeatedly for the bugs, for which, the bugs always came back.

I think my friend was getting irritated with me staying there.  You see, I was working, but I was taking my money and paying the bills on the house where my baby boy was staying.  I had no money to spare, as I was hardly making anything.  I think my friend was upset that I wasn't paying her.

I picked up after myself every day.  What wasn't in my suitcase, was in my SUV.  I was not a slob.  And I was so sad, that to even function was so very difficult on me, as all I could think about was my precious, little baby boy.  I missed him so very much.

We sat down and talked, and I agreed to start cleaning for her.  She wasn't the cleanest of people.  I would wash her dishes, and I washed the bathtub after every time I used it.  I vacuumed, swept her kitchen floor, and I did what I could to help out.

I don't think it was enough for her though.  She was young.  Probably around 22, and I'm sure she wanted her privacy.  I will not write my weight again.  I did once so that I could give you, the reader, the size difference between my ex and I.  My weight had dropped quite a bit from what I previously wrote.  The reason I wrote that, is because I'm trying to explain that I was and still am, a lightweight.  I was sleeping on her couch, and she told me that I was ruining her couch by sleeping on it (causing indentations).  After she told me that, I started sleeping on the floor.  I didn't like it, and I was always cold, but I was glad to just have a roof over my head.

Getting back to Social Services....I was in and out of court with them countless of times.  I'd go to court, and then I'd have another court date scheduled 2 weeks or so later.  I was always in court.

There was social services, a guardian ad litem, and casa....all of them against me.  Who knows what my ex was telling them.  The thing is, my ex would tell others what a wonderful mother I was, and how I never hurt my son, yet he would never say that in court.  Never.

One day I asked him if he could please talk in court.  I didn't tell him what to say.  I told him to tell the truth about my parenting...the honest truth.  His reply?  How would it look on him if he spoke up on my behalf, considering he called the cops on me that day.  He told me that if he spoke up for me, it would make him look like a bad father.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  All I wanted him to do was to tell the truth.  What he honestly thought.  But he wouldn't do that.  Instead, he was smooth talking social services, and everybody else, and doing the "poor me" thing.  They all fell for it.

It hurt so bad knowing that I had never hurt my precious baby, nor would I ever, yet I was getting treated like I did.  They were so mean to me.

I was allowed to see my baby boy once and then up to two times a week under supervision.  I was just so happy to get to see my baby boy.  They video taped everything.  I had nothing to hide.  And if you truly have nothing to hide, then they don't have anything on you, as the truth always comes out.  And that is what the case was on me.  My thoughts were...Let them do their investigation for as long as they wanted to, as I had nothing to hide.

My ex would always arrive late to my visitations.  One time I had a 2 hour visit, and my ex got there approximately 1 hour and 40 minutes late.  And I was the one traveling 45 minutes to see my baby.  My ex, lived fairly close by, in the same town.

My ex would bring toys that I personally bought for my baby boy.  I got in trouble for not providing my own toys.  Forget the fact that the toys that he brought, I had bought for my son with my very own money.  Boy, did they come down on me.  It was like, nothing I did, was right.  And in their eyes, my ex was a saint.  It was sickening.

I just wanted the nightmare to be over.  And my ex....oh my ex.....what he would do to me.  The manipulation...the mind games.  For example, he would say to me over the phone things like, "You grew up in abuse...I didn't.  You have mental problems....I don't.  You have been to jail....I haven't.  You will NEVER get custody...I will".  I would hang up the phone and just cry and cry and cry.  He had me convinced that I would lose.  I believed him.

Little did I know what Social Services was about to put me through...

As soon as I was finished being sentenced, my ankle monitor was removed.  The Judge told me that I could go back to my house.  The restraining order that the State placed on me, was modified so that I could be around my ex.  I thought it was over...."thought" being the key word...

As I previously wrote, my ex was back and forth about wanting to be with me.  On the day of my sentencing, he wanted to be with me.  It was after I was released that he took me for a drive with our son in the car.  I was so glad to see and be with my precious, little baby boy.  I had agreed to stay with my friend for a little while longer while my ex and I worked things out.

It was while we were on the road, that my ex received a call on his cel phone.  It was Social Services.  This is the second time they would enter my life (the first time being when I got home from the hospital, for which they dropped their investigation).  They told my ex, and then me, that they filed a civil lawsuit against me which indicated that I was not allowed to be anywhere near my son.  Nobody from Social Services served me any papers, or let me know what they were doing in advance...no, they dropped it on me "like a bomb".  They told me over the phone that I needed to get away from my son immediately.

I was crying.  I told them what the Judge said, about me being able to go to my house, and that I could be around my son.  They didn't care.

I remember that I did get to read "Green Eggs and Ham" to my baby boy in the SUV.  Oh how he would laugh and giggle when I would read it to him because of all of the expression I'd put in to it, while reading to him.

Social Services....I really have my feelings about them.  The more I write about my story, the more you'll see why.  My ex was upset about their civil lawsuit against me.  At least at that time, he was.....or he appeared to be.  I truly do believe that my ex was upset.

So no, it wasn't over.  My criminal case was over, but things were just getting started with that civil lawsuit.  Little did I know what Social Services was about to put me through.  Their reasoning for their lawsuit?  Because my son was in the house during that day.  Eventhough my son was safe on that day, and my son was unaware of the fight since he was downstairs strapped safely in his new swing which was playing music as it rocked him, and my ex and I were upstairs.

But you see, since my son was in the house at the time of the fight, Social Services came after me.  Forget the fact that I was pinned down to our bed during our fight....Social Services came down on me since I was arrested for Domestic Violence.  It didn't matter that my son was unaware of what happened.  It didn't matter that I never once harmed my son.  It didn't matter that I was and still am a loving mother who would do anything for my son....nothing mattered.

I think it is sad how there are so many children who are being abused, yet Social Services does nothing about it.  And then there's me...a mother who is a GREAT mother to my son...loving, nurturing, and patient....and I get in to a fight with my ex, and they came after me like I was a horrible and abusive mother. 

What I did to my ex was wrong.  I admit it.  I regret it.  But I have NEVER hurt my son, nor would I.  Yet the way they would treat me...and little did I know how long my "battle" with Social Services would last.

In my opinion, there is something wrong with the system.  I was seeing a therapist at the time who my therapist herself, once worked for Social Services.  My therapist informed me that the people in Social Services are often young, and it's their first real job, and they get on a power trip.  Even my therapist couldn't believe what they were doing to me.

So I had planned on staying with my friend for a little longer, while my ex and I worked things out (eventhough I was allowed by the Judge to go back to my house), but now, once again, thanks to Social Services, I was FORCED to stay away.

I couldn't believe what was going on.  Little did I know about the long road ahead of me against Social Services.

My last name is not "Sheen"...

During my sentencing, the Judge asked me if I understood everything.  I didn't, but I said that I did.  I was scared and overwhelmed, and  I was doing what my public defender told me to do.  I mean, I knew that I was pleading guilty to two misdemeanors, which my public defender told me "wouldn't affect me", but I honestly thought I had a deferred judgement.  A deferred judgement....something I never even heard of until my public defender told me about it.  He failed to tell me, that he didn't get me a deferred judgement though.  I thought as I was pleading guilty, that I had a deferred judgement.

On the day of my sentencing, the Judge asked me if I would like to speak.  I did.  I apologized to my ex, who I already apologized to already...but I apologized to him again, in court.  I apologized to the court.  I told the Judge that I learned from my mistake, and that I was working on changing myself and that I was truly sorry.  And I was.

In addition to having spent 6 very long nights in jail, below is what I received.  Keep in mind, I had no prior record, and I was never in trouble with the law before:

convicted of 2 misdemeanors:  1 for assault; and 1 for menacing
3 years of probation
36 weeks of Domestic Violence classes
12 weeks of Anger Management classes (the 2 classes totaled 72 hours)
3 day parenting class since my son was in the house at the time
48 hours of community service
Mandatory mental health treatment i.e. seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist
fines that totaled just under $2,000 (this excludes the money that the ankle monitor cost)

After I was sentenced, and as I started taking my classes, I found out that some of the people in my classes did far worse then me (not that I am justifying what I did, because what I did was WRONG), and some of them had prior records, and they received a "slap on the hand" so to speak, in comparison to what I received.

The therapist that conducted the domestic violence class never even heard of somebody getting sentenced to both domestic violence classes AND anger management classes.  It's ususally one or the other...and typically people are sentenced to domestic violence classes because they are longer than anger management classes.  They didn't even know how to handle me taking both classes, since they never saw somebody get sentenced to both.

In my opinion, our justice system is corrupt.  If a person has money, they can get off practically "scott-free".  I don't think that's fair.  I think it should be the same across the board for everybody...but it doesn't work that way.

For example...take a look at Charlie Sheen.  Look at all of the trouble he has been in.  He has got quite the "wrap-sheet".  If you don't know what he has done, all you have to do is type his name in to google, along with the words "domestic violence" and/or "sentence".  He's been in trouble with the law continuously.  Not only did he (or does he) use drugs and drink to excess, but he beats up women and has gotten in trouble more than once because of domestic violence.

While in Aspen, Colorado, Charlie Sheen was accused of pinning down his wife to the bed and holding a knife up to her neck.  And this was not his first offense.  Charlie Sheen received the following sentence for that offense:

3 months of probation (keep in mind, I received 3 YEARS of probation)
36 hours of counseling
30 days of rehab

That's it.  That's what Charlie Sheen received.  And that is with him having a prior record.  See for  yourself at:  http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/08/02/2010-08-02_charlie_sheen_sentenced_to_rehab_not_jail_after_pleading_guilty_to_assaulting_wi.html

Charlie Sheen did not lose his job.  In fact, he is the highest paid TV actor in the U.S.  He receives approximately 1.25 million dollars for EVERY EPISODE of "Two and a Half Men".

Me?  I can't receive a job in Commercial Real Estate again, nor any other high paying job because of my record.  Most employment agencies won't even work with me because I have 2 misdemeanors, and 1 of them is considered a "violent crime".

My public defender told me that the misdemeanors wouldn't affect me, but they did.  They have ruined my life.  And the worst part is that they are with me for life.

Charlie Sheen is just one example of our corrupt justice system.  I'm not saying I didn't deserve to get in trouble for what I did....but I believe that I received more harsh of a sentence than I should have received.  But then again...my last name is not "Sheen".

He indicated that the misdemeanors weren't a big deal...

My public defender.  Wow.  I don't even know where to begin, except to say that he was absolutely horrible. 

He only met with me one time at his office prior to going my trial.  That's it...one time.  Typically, attornies dress professionally.  I went to his office during normal business hours and he was dressed very casually....jeans and all.  Not how I pictured how an attorney would typically dress.

He showed me a picture of my ex's wrist.  In the picture, I could see the bite mark, and I could also see what I already knew...that I didn't cause him any bleeding or major damage.  No, I'm not justifiying what I did.  I'm just writing the result of what my one bite did to his wrist.

He also showed me a picture of the knife.

My public defender told me that if it weren't for the knife, that he would take the case to trial because when the jury took one look at my ex's size, and then looked at me, that he felt that the jury would side with me.

He didn't want to take my case to trial because of the knife though. 

He told me that he was going to try to get the prosecutor to give me a deferred judgement.  A deferred judgement is when the conviction is dropped, or expunged, once the probation has been completed. 

The only time my public defender would talk to me would be in the corrdidor right outside of the court room, just minutes before my trial.  I had gone to court a few times with him representing me....the first time, while I was in jail.

When he would meet with me immediately before my case was called, it was literally for about 30 seconds to 2 minutes...and 2 minutes is probably giving him too much credit.  I barely had time to ask him my questions.  He would tell me what to do and say.  I had so many questions that I wanted answered, but he wouldn't give me the time of day to ask them.

This whole thing was so very overwhelming to me.  Never had I been in trouble with the law before.  I didn't know what was going to happen.  I was alone, and scared.  I did what he told me to.  After all, he was my public defender.

The day that I received my conviction, which I believe was on July 28, 2008, he gave me paper work and he told me to sign it.  He also told me what to say.  He gave me the paper work IN the court room while another case was being tried.  He was whispering to me as to what to do and then he left to represent somebody else.

I THOUGHT that he got me a deferred judgement.  I truly did.  I mean, he told me that, that was what he was going to try to get for me. 

I signed the paper work.  I was no longer charged with 2 felonies...they were lowered to 2 misdemeanors.  One was for assault, and the other was for menacing.  I pleaded guilty to both.  I was given 3 years of probation along with a whole list of other things, which I will write about in my next post.

My public defender told me that he fought really hard for me and that I should be happy, and that he got my probation lowered down from 4 years to 3.  He also indicated that the misdemeanors were no big deal....that they wouldn't affect me and that misdemeanors weren't a big deal.  I would soon learn otherwise, which I will also be writing about in future posts. 

I believed him though.  I also believed before pleading guilty, that he got me a deferred judgement.  I didn't know that he didnt, as he failed to tell me that he didn't get me a deferred jugdement.

So my case did not go to trial, and I plead guilty to 2 misdemeanors.  THAT caused my life to continue to spiral downwards.