In and out of court for months. I felt like it was never going to be over. I wouldn't give up though. My precious baby boy needed his Mommy, and I needed him. And I NEVER did anything to hurt him, nor would I ever hurt him.
I had nothing to hide, and as I said before, when you have nothing to hide...there's nothing to worry about. The truth will eventually come out. But still, they kept their investigation going on me for months.
I was so very sad, and that is a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT. I had a great pyschiatrist that I was seeing. Sure, I had seen other psychiatrists in my life...all of them whom I referred to as "shrinks". This was the first psychiatrist that I didn't refer to as a "shrink". She listened to me. She truly listened to me. I had a great deal of respect for her.
I was so very sad. No, it was not depression. It's what I called "situational sadness". I told my psychiatrist that, and she agreed with me. She told me it was understandable. I mean, here I was, a GREAT mother who never once hurt my precious baby boy, yet they took him away from me. I was sad because I missed my baby. I wanted to hold him again.
I told my psychiatrist about what my ex was saying to me. Her reply? That there are many parents that have personal difficulties for which they seek help for, but they are GREAT parents, and then there are parents who don't see a therapist or psychiatrist, and they are HORRIBLE parents. It made me feel good when she said that because my ex continue telling me that I would lose because I was seeking therapy.
She told me that I was suffering from trauma. The trauma of having my precious baby boy taken away from me.
My SUV was so behind in payments, that even though they could not find the vehicle, I knew that I had to voluntarily turn it in. I called United Way, and I got the number of a place that helps those in need by selling them used for very cheap. I was told when I called, that they didn't have any cars, and that they'd put me on the waiting list. If I remember correctly, I was #25 on the waiting list. 25...I was horrified.
At that rate, it would be a long time before I got a car. You see, the cars they sold were cars that were donated. I cried...I begged...I explained my situation. I received a phone call back either that day or the next day, and she told me that they had a car for me. No, they didn't receive 25 cars....I guess she felt my pain.
I immediately came and paid for the car. It was a 20 year old brown station wagon. It reminded me of the "Brady Bunch" car. Still, it was my car. I paid for it...it ran....and I didn't have to worry about it being reposessed. I left my SUV in that parking lot, and I called up the SUV maker, and I informed them that my payment were behind, and I was voluntarily reposessing it, as I could not afford to make the car payments due to losing my job.
I stayed at my friend's aparment from June 20, 2008 to the end of September/October. I think that was long enough for her. Even though I stayed out of her way, I'm sure she wanted her privacy. She told me that she was going to be moving.
I had no place to go. I have no family in Colorado, and I felt so alone. I was still working at that part time job that I started in 2006. A woman there was talking about her house, and how she just cleaned 5 bathrooms. I figured with 5 bathrooms...perhaps she had a place for me, and she only had 2 adult children, and only one of them lived at home. So I asked her if I could please stay with her. Fortunately, she said "yes".
She had a room for me in her downstairs, and I even had my own bathroom. Her and her husband worked hard on cleaning it up for me, and getting it prepared for me to stay in. I was so grateful. I was so grateful to no longer have to sleep on the floor. I believe I started staying with her in September or October. I don't remember. I just know that it was before Halloween.
I would talk to my sister and my biological father on the phone. Sure, my biological father helped me out a bit financially, but trust me, it didn't hurt him. He owns 2 homes (both in the North East), and he makes alot of money. The amount of money that he helped me out with, would be like me giving a penny to a person. Don't get me wrong, I was appreciative of any help that I received...I'm just trying to explain his financial situation. He lives very comfortably.
My biological father....boy, was he abusive to me over the phone. He would yell and scream at me (no exaggeration). He would have my crying practically every time we were on the phone. Sure, he may have stopped drinking like he used to when I was young (although he would still drink), but he was still so very emotionally abusive.
I was talking to my sister and my biological father and that was it. I was all alone. I had no real support. None of my family lived in Colorado so I was all alone. But MY family lived in Colorado...my precious, little baby boy, and there was no way I was going to leave my baby's side, nor would I ever leave his side.
