And so began my battle with Social Services. I cried and cried and cried. I went back to my friend's aparment. All I wanted, was to be with my precious baby boy.
As I said, I was staying at my friend's aparment. It was not in a good section of town, and her place wasn't exactly clean, not to mention, she had a bug infestation, for which exterminators were coming in repeatedly for the bugs, for which, the bugs always came back.
I think my friend was getting irritated with me staying there. You see, I was working, but I was taking my money and paying the bills on the house where my baby boy was staying. I had no money to spare, as I was hardly making anything. I think my friend was upset that I wasn't paying her.
I picked up after myself every day. What wasn't in my suitcase, was in my SUV. I was not a slob. And I was so sad, that to even function was so very difficult on me, as all I could think about was my precious, little baby boy. I missed him so very much.
We sat down and talked, and I agreed to start cleaning for her. She wasn't the cleanest of people. I would wash her dishes, and I washed the bathtub after every time I used it. I vacuumed, swept her kitchen floor, and I did what I could to help out.
I don't think it was enough for her though. She was young. Probably around 22, and I'm sure she wanted her privacy. I will not write my weight again. I did once so that I could give you, the reader, the size difference between my ex and I. My weight had dropped quite a bit from what I previously wrote. The reason I wrote that, is because I'm trying to explain that I was and still am, a lightweight. I was sleeping on her couch, and she told me that I was ruining her couch by sleeping on it (causing indentations). After she told me that, I started sleeping on the floor. I didn't like it, and I was always cold, but I was glad to just have a roof over my head.
Getting back to Social Services....I was in and out of court with them countless of times. I'd go to court, and then I'd have another court date scheduled 2 weeks or so later. I was always in court.
There was social services, a guardian ad litem, and casa....all of them against me. Who knows what my ex was telling them. The thing is, my ex would tell others what a wonderful mother I was, and how I never hurt my son, yet he would never say that in court. Never.
One day I asked him if he could please talk in court. I didn't tell him what to say. I told him to tell the truth about my parenting...the honest truth. His reply? How would it look on him if he spoke up on my behalf, considering he called the cops on me that day. He told me that if he spoke up for me, it would make him look like a bad father.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. All I wanted him to do was to tell the truth. What he honestly thought. But he wouldn't do that. Instead, he was smooth talking social services, and everybody else, and doing the "poor me" thing. They all fell for it.
It hurt so bad knowing that I had never hurt my precious baby, nor would I ever, yet I was getting treated like I did. They were so mean to me.
I was allowed to see my baby boy once and then up to two times a week under supervision. I was just so happy to get to see my baby boy. They video taped everything. I had nothing to hide. And if you truly have nothing to hide, then they don't have anything on you, as the truth always comes out. And that is what the case was on me. My thoughts were...Let them do their investigation for as long as they wanted to, as I had nothing to hide.
My ex would always arrive late to my visitations. One time I had a 2 hour visit, and my ex got there approximately 1 hour and 40 minutes late. And I was the one traveling 45 minutes to see my baby. My ex, lived fairly close by, in the same town.
My ex would bring toys that I personally bought for my baby boy. I got in trouble for not providing my own toys. Forget the fact that the toys that he brought, I had bought for my son with my very own money. Boy, did they come down on me. It was like, nothing I did, was right. And in their eyes, my ex was a saint. It was sickening.
I just wanted the nightmare to be over. And my ex....oh my ex.....what he would do to me. The manipulation...the mind games. For example, he would say to me over the phone things like, "You grew up in abuse...I didn't. You have mental problems....I don't. You have been to jail....I haven't. You will NEVER get custody...I will". I would hang up the phone and just cry and cry and cry. He had me convinced that I would lose. I believed him.
