Where I'm at now.....that's nothing that I can sum up in one sentence. I am anxiously waiting for my divorce to be finalized, which if all goes well, will be on May 10th, which is my final hearing.
I am waiting for the Child Support Enforcement Agency to start paying me the child support that my ex was court ordered to pay. They opened my case in March, and hopefully I'll receive some child support once and for all, starting in May.
I am waiting for July 29th, which is my first day off of probation, after 3 long years of waiting.
I am working full-time, and while working full-time, I am looking for a job back in Commercial Real Estate which is what I did for 6 years before losing my job, as I really enjoyed it, and the money was good. I make much less than half of what I used to make doing Commercial Real Estate.
Most importantly, I am a full-time, single Mommy, to my precious, little boy who I love more than life itself! There's a certain pride that comes with raising my little boy completely on my own. Every day I watch him thrive and flourish, and I am so very proud of him. I have realized that a family isn't about quantity. My son and I ARE a family! We are TWO STRONG! :-)
I have days that are hard for me, I'm not going to lie. I get in such pain at times....so much fear....I get so scared. My little boy depends on me, and although I am doing everything I possibly can, I sometimes feel like it's not good enough. I work full-time while applying for Commercial Real Estate jobs; I am selling my personal belongings (nothing of my son's); and I'm hoping to get my true life story out in the public....more than just a blog. I go to a food pantry for help with food, and I have gone to Churches for help.
Until I get my record sealed, it's going to interfere with me getting a good job...I am speaking from personal experience, as I have lost jobs because of it...Human Resources always stops a company from hiring me.
In 2008, I turned to God. I have always been religious, but its only been over the past few years that my Faith has grown as Strong as it is now. I was raised a Catholic, and in 2009, I decided to change to a Non-Denominational Christian. I don't pretend that I know the whole Bible, because I don't. In fact, I have alot to learn. But I do read from it, and I pray and keep a close relationship with God.
I honestly believe that God has been taking care of my son and myself. I hold on to Matthew 6:25-6:34, and I have so many personal examples to prove that what is written in that passage is so very true, as long as you keep your Faith Strong, which is what I do.
I see God come to me. I don't see or hear him personally; however, I do see that he places it in the hearts of others to help me in my time of need. God comes to me through those people.
I still have my struggles and worries. I still have an eating disorder, which I have had for more than half of my life now, which I battle every day. I still have urges when the pain is so deep inside of me to cut myself to snap myself out of the pain....but I don't, and I won't. I fight it. I fight my anorexia. Yes, I have a low BMI, which means, that technically, I am underweight; however, I keep my weight above the danger level, and I won't let it get too low. Why do I fight these things? For my son. He needs me, and I need him.
I may be waiting on several things, but I do not want to rush time by in any way. And the reason that I don't is because I cherish each and every moment with my little boy, and I don't want that time to rush by.
My son keeps me going. He keeps me pushing forward and not giving up. My son is my reason for living.
Some people may look at me and/or read my story and think, "She has nothing", and to all of those people, I say, "I have EVERYTHING!"
It's been a long, hard road, but I believe that God has a plan for me. I know he does! I keep my Faith Strong, and I am waiting for Him to show me His plan for me, and I will follow.
As long as I keep my Faith Strong, I know that God will continue to take care of my son and I, as He has been all along, and I feel that my Faith is Stronger now, than it ever has been before.
I am under extreme financial hardship and I am constantly scared of not being able to pay my bills, but at the same time, I can honestly say that I am so Extremely Blessed, and God has been taking care of my son and i all along, and that I know He will continue to do so as long as I keep my Faith Strong! Thanks Be To God!
