August of 2010....my ex's fourth time that he forfeited his visitation time with my son. Later on in that month, I asked my ex why he didn't even have the decency of telling me before-hand whether it be a 2 sentence email; a text; or a phone call, that he was going to forfeit his visitation. His response? It was "too hard" on him.
I have no empathy for him. It takes alot for me to have empathy for anybody due to the life that I have led, and the obstacles that life threw at me, which I overcame.....and it wasn't easy. So when I hear somebody complaining about what to me is, something petty, I have no empathy. No, that doesn't mean that I am mean to them in any way....it just means that on the inside, I don't want to hear it.
Once August passed, that was it. My ex was no longer legally allowed to remove my son from Colorado. He had his chances, but he forfeited them. There were no court dates set. No more visitations scheduled.
September and October passed. Just me and my little boy. And I'm not complaining one bit! I LOVE my son, and I absolutely LOVE being HIS Mommy! :-)
Since 2008, when I lost my Commercial Real Estate job, it's been extremely hard to find a job. Between the recession, and more than that...having a record, companies wouldn't hire me, and believe me, I've tried. I've actually been offered a job and then HR "pulled the plug" so to speak, when they saw that I have a record.
That's how it's been. Most employment agencies won't even work with me. And I've lost lower paying jobs because of how much money I used to make...they considered me a "risk" in that I was worth much more money, and they didn't want to invest time or money in me, because they knew I could make more, and they were afraid that I'd leave.
And the thing is, I'm a hard worker. And I have great exerience. Six years doing Commercial Real Estate, and approximately 8 1/2 years of Accounting experience.
So I would work at little jobs on and off that I would find, and I even worked on a temporary assignment. But what I really needed, was a full-time, permanent job, and finally in November, I got a full-time job. I don't even make half of what I used to make, but at least it's something. I take my son to school during the day while I'm at work.
Previously, my ex and I worked out that he would have every even Christmas with my son, and that I would have every odd year. Well, December of 2010 was an even year. My son was not allowed to cross Colorado state lines, so I offered my ex to spend Christmas with my son here in Colorado. My ex said he had no money; no place to stay; no way to get around; and so on, and so forth. I actually offered my ex to stay at my home (sleeping on the couch) so this way he wouldn't have to pay for a place to stay, and I offered to help drive him a bit. All he needed to do would be to buy the plane ticket.
This way, he would be able to see my son from the moment my son woke up on Christmas morning. Considering how very mean my ex has been to me, I think that was pretty nice of me to offer. He would get to see my son, and I was happy that even though it was an even year, I'd still get to see my son as well.
Do I even need to say what happened at this point? If you've been following my blog, I'm sure you'll know what happened. He forfeited his vistation. This made my ex's FIFTH visitation that he forfeited with my son. Let me repeat that....he forfeited his FIFTH visitation. Some "parent".
At least I can say that I tried, and that I was nice, and that I gave him the opportunity to see his son. I didn't have to offer him that. I have no guilt. I mean, to offer my ex to stay at my home for Christmas took alot out of me.
Christmas was wonderful! It was my son and I, and it was the BEST Christmas that I ever had....as each Christmas with him is.
As for me ex....that was it. He voluntarily moved, he forfeited 5 visitations, he'd see my son over the webcam using skype, and then "disappear" for long periods of times, and he'd barely ever ask about my son...only when it was convenient for him.
And child support? Well, my ex seems to think that he is above the law. He was court ordered to pay child support in court on May 4, 2010. He paid for May, but NOTHING for June, July, August, September, or October. He paid a small $80.00 for November, and then nothing for December, January, and for February (of this year), he paid me $89.00. So out of 9 straight months...he paid me no child support for 7 of them, and a whopping $169 combined total for 2 months.
There is nothing that I can do to get my child support because we are still legally married (as much as I have been trying to get my divorce finalized). Once my divorce is finalized, the Child Support Enforcement Agency will go after my ex and garnish his wages, but until then, there's nothing that I can do, except to wait for my divorce to be finalized.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE! I AM A GREAT MOTHER!
As I wrote in my last blog, I was being investigated by Social Services for the THIRD time. Not one of those times that they investigaed me was due to anything wrong that I did to my son, or for me being a bad mother.
I was at home and I heard a knock on the door, and their was a woman from Social Services. I was in shock. I was thinking, what now? I am a GREAT mother! I have NEVER hurt my son, nor would I ever. PERIOD! Yet they seem to keep coming after me....it's a shame because there are so many bad parents out there who are abusing their child(ren), and Social Services doesn't do a thing. Yet, they kept coming after me....a GREAT mother! I just don't get. Some "justice" system we have.
And me? A mother who loves my son more than life itself, and who I do everything for, they keep coming after me. They obviously don't know what kind of mother that I am, or how very much I love my son.
At this point, I was pretty much "over it" as far as dealing with Social Services. The woman came to my home and I told her flat out, "If you want me to undress my son down to his diaper, I gladly will. You will not find one mark on his body".
Her response? That she wasn't investigating me for abuse or anything like that. Then she told me that she was bit confused on the report herself....it was along the lines of, that I was paranoid. Then, she started bringing up things in her conversation, which immediately told me that it came from the child therapist that I brought my son to...a total of approximately 2 times.
I explained to this woman, that my son who had only been 2 for three months, was calling different men that he would see when we were out, "Daddy". I explained how my ex didn't believe me, and refused to work with me i.e. see my son over the webcam so my son could see and know who is Daddy is. I explained to her that I just wanted to do everything that I could, to help his trip to Florida as smooth as possible. I wasn't being paranoid...I was trying to help my son!
I told her flat out, that I was not sorry, and that I didn't regret what I did. I told her if trying to help my son, and make his trip smooth for him, made them investigate me, then so be it, but I was not sorry, and I am still not sorry for looking out for my son's best interest. To me, that makes me a better parent.
She listened, she saw me with my son, and she told me she would "investigate", and get back to me. I didn't hear from her again.
I'm so sick of Social Services. They can investigate me all they want. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE! I AM A GREAT MOTHER! Everything that I do, I do for my son. I go without, so he can have. I am extremely involved in his life, and I have been watching him thrive and flourish under my sole care. My son is an extremely lovable, smart, and happy little boy.
So Social Services can investigate me all the want. The truth always comes out, and I have NOTHING to hide!
While waiting to hear back from Social Services, June passed, and my ex forfeited his vistation. This is the visitation that he begged the Magistrate for just one month earlier.
Then August came....my ex was granted visitation for one week in August. As with June's visitation that he was granted, this visitation that he was granted in August was visitation that he begged the Magistrate for in May.
For this visitation that he forfeited, my ex didn't even have the decency to tell me in advance that he was forfeiting his visitation. No email, not text message, no phone call...nothing. In my opinion, he could have at least had the decency to let me know in advance...but he didn't. But then again, if he did inform me in advance, that would be the responsible thing to do...the mature thing to do. Two things that my ex is not.
August of 2010 made the 4th visitation time that he forfeited. The first was for Thanksgiving of 2009, the second was January of 2010, the third was June of 2010, and the fourth was August of 2010.
Some father. First, he voluntarily quits his job and moves 2 time zones away from his son to live with his mother and have no job waiting for him; and then he forfeited 4 visitations.
I don't remember the month, but after a few months from the start of Social Service's 3rd investigation on me, I received a letter in the mail from Social Services which indicated that they dropped their investigation, and that it was unfounded.
Not that I have anything to hide, I was just glad that Social Services was out of my life.
I was at home and I heard a knock on the door, and their was a woman from Social Services. I was in shock. I was thinking, what now? I am a GREAT mother! I have NEVER hurt my son, nor would I ever. PERIOD! Yet they seem to keep coming after me....it's a shame because there are so many bad parents out there who are abusing their child(ren), and Social Services doesn't do a thing. Yet, they kept coming after me....a GREAT mother! I just don't get. Some "justice" system we have.
And me? A mother who loves my son more than life itself, and who I do everything for, they keep coming after me. They obviously don't know what kind of mother that I am, or how very much I love my son.
At this point, I was pretty much "over it" as far as dealing with Social Services. The woman came to my home and I told her flat out, "If you want me to undress my son down to his diaper, I gladly will. You will not find one mark on his body".
Her response? That she wasn't investigating me for abuse or anything like that. Then she told me that she was bit confused on the report herself....it was along the lines of, that I was paranoid. Then, she started bringing up things in her conversation, which immediately told me that it came from the child therapist that I brought my son to...a total of approximately 2 times.
I explained to this woman, that my son who had only been 2 for three months, was calling different men that he would see when we were out, "Daddy". I explained how my ex didn't believe me, and refused to work with me i.e. see my son over the webcam so my son could see and know who is Daddy is. I explained to her that I just wanted to do everything that I could, to help his trip to Florida as smooth as possible. I wasn't being paranoid...I was trying to help my son!
I told her flat out, that I was not sorry, and that I didn't regret what I did. I told her if trying to help my son, and make his trip smooth for him, made them investigate me, then so be it, but I was not sorry, and I am still not sorry for looking out for my son's best interest. To me, that makes me a better parent.
She listened, she saw me with my son, and she told me she would "investigate", and get back to me. I didn't hear from her again.
I'm so sick of Social Services. They can investigate me all they want. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE! I AM A GREAT MOTHER! Everything that I do, I do for my son. I go without, so he can have. I am extremely involved in his life, and I have been watching him thrive and flourish under my sole care. My son is an extremely lovable, smart, and happy little boy.
So Social Services can investigate me all the want. The truth always comes out, and I have NOTHING to hide!
While waiting to hear back from Social Services, June passed, and my ex forfeited his vistation. This is the visitation that he begged the Magistrate for just one month earlier.
Then August came....my ex was granted visitation for one week in August. As with June's visitation that he was granted, this visitation that he was granted in August was visitation that he begged the Magistrate for in May.
For this visitation that he forfeited, my ex didn't even have the decency to tell me in advance that he was forfeiting his visitation. No email, not text message, no phone call...nothing. In my opinion, he could have at least had the decency to let me know in advance...but he didn't. But then again, if he did inform me in advance, that would be the responsible thing to do...the mature thing to do. Two things that my ex is not.
August of 2010 made the 4th visitation time that he forfeited. The first was for Thanksgiving of 2009, the second was January of 2010, the third was June of 2010, and the fourth was August of 2010.
Some father. First, he voluntarily quits his job and moves 2 time zones away from his son to live with his mother and have no job waiting for him; and then he forfeited 4 visitations.
I don't remember the month, but after a few months from the start of Social Service's 3rd investigation on me, I received a letter in the mail from Social Services which indicated that they dropped their investigation, and that it was unfounded.
Not that I have anything to hide, I was just glad that Social Services was out of my life.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
As a result of trying to help my son, I was once again under investigation by Social Services...
May 4th, 2010....one of the court dates for my divorce. The last time that I have been to court. I appeared in person, and my ex was over the phone. We were in front of a Magistrate.
We swore to tell the truth. I told the truth. He lied.
Lie after lie after lie. And I just had to sit there and listen to his lies.
For example, he indicated that he threw my son a birthday party when he visited him. The way he made it sound, you would think that he spent alot of money for a big party. My son did have a birthday party, but it was just the 3 of us, and in my home. My ex bought 6 cupcakes, and some decorations from the dollar store. He bought him a few gifts. But the way he made it sound, you would think he spent hundreds of dollars.
He told the Magistrate that he did come to Colorado with money. But the fact of the matter is, he didn't. I had the bill from the medication that I purchased for my son, for which he didn't even give me a dime. A good father would have helped pay. When I told my ex that I needed him to help pay, my ex told me that he "had no money". He denied all of that, and the Magistrate did not want to see the bill that I had with me.
He just kept lying, and doing the "poor me" thing. It sickens me. His lies were so bad, that the Magistrate even turned around at one point and said, "Well obviously, one of you is lying". I was sitting there thinking, "Yes, HE is lying". But my ex is so good and lying and manipulating, that the Magistrate didn't know who to believe.
Then my ex started complaining that he missed his son. The Magistrate did confront him as to why he moved so far away from his son. I don't remember my ex's exact answer. I think it was something along the lines of, that he needed his family's support.
In my opinion, when a person has a child, that child should come FIRST in their life. I'm not saying that other family members aren't important, but to me, a great parent will always put their child first....Period. That's what I do. He doesn't.
After he told his sob story about why he moved, the Magistrate confronted him about why he forfeited his visitation time with my son for Thanksgiving 2009. My ex indicated that he had no money. My ex always has an excuse for everything. Always. In my opinon....a great parent would find a way to see their child...even if it meant working multiple jobs.
My ex forfeited his second visitation with my son in January of 2010. The visitation would have been in Colorado, as my son is not allowed to be taken out of the state of Colorado, without the court's permission. But I gave my ex permission to visit my son in January of 2010, here in Colorado. My ex forfeited that visitation as well. That's 2 forfeits.....with more to come.
My ex begged and pleaded on the phone, and was saying things like, "But Your Honor, I'm his father"; "All I want to do is see my son"; "Can't I see my son"?
The Magistrate looked at me like I was keeping my son away from my ex. But that was not the case. My ex himself, was the reason that he wasn't seeing my son.
I forgot how much time my ex asked for. I think he asked to see my son for 2 weeks in June. The Magistrate only granted one week in June. Then my ex went on to say that he wanted to see my son for 1 week in August. The ex granted that as well.
So that was 2 visitations that he was granted...one in June of 2010, and one in August of 2010.
Then the Magistrate ordered him to pay child support. A rather low amount. She orderd him to pay me on the 20th of every month, for that month i.e. May's child support would have been due on May 20th.
I left court upset. His lies...his manipulation....he always seems to get away with it. I've never seen anything like it before.
So, my ex paid me my child support for May. June was coming up, which meant that my son who only just turned 2 years old in February, would be going to Florida with my ex. I was scared and worried about my son. And at 2 years old, I could not explain to my son that he was going to visit his Daddy for one week, and then he would be coming home to his Mommy.
On top of it, my son was calling different men that he would see (who looked nothing like my ex), "Daddy". He would do it in the parking lot, at the grocery store, etc. I asked my ex if he would get on the webcam to see my son, so that he would know who his Daddy is. I explained to my ex what my son was doing...well, I tried to explain, but my ex didn't want to hear it. In fact, he kept saying that my son knew who his Daddy was. He was not willing to see my son over the webcam. Some father.
Since my son was calling different men that he would see while we were out, "Daddy", and my ex didn't want to help, I decided to take my son to a child therapist. I wanted to make his trip as smooth as possible for him. I mean, he was going to be taken away from his Mommy, and then be with my ex who he had only seen one time in 8 months, and be surrounded by ex's family, who are strangers to my son. And then there was the plane ride. I didn't want him to be scared. My ex previously took my son for a short trip to Florida, and he gave him Benadryll so he would sleep the whole time...forget giving him a a bottle to help his ears....no, he gave him medicine to put him asleep.
I just wanted to find some ideas of how to explain to my son, on his level, what was going on, to help make his trip go smooth. I wanted my son's trip to go smooth, hence my taking my son to a child's therapist. I mean, if my ex wouldn't cooperate at all, and he wouldn't even see my son over the webcam, it was up to me, to help my son. I had nothing but the best intentions.
As a result of trying to help my son, I was once again under investigation by Social Services. If you have been following my blog from the beginning, you will know that this made the THIRD time that Social Services investiaged me.
Just when I thought that Social Services was gone from my life for good....they were back.
We swore to tell the truth. I told the truth. He lied.
Lie after lie after lie. And I just had to sit there and listen to his lies.
For example, he indicated that he threw my son a birthday party when he visited him. The way he made it sound, you would think that he spent alot of money for a big party. My son did have a birthday party, but it was just the 3 of us, and in my home. My ex bought 6 cupcakes, and some decorations from the dollar store. He bought him a few gifts. But the way he made it sound, you would think he spent hundreds of dollars.
He told the Magistrate that he did come to Colorado with money. But the fact of the matter is, he didn't. I had the bill from the medication that I purchased for my son, for which he didn't even give me a dime. A good father would have helped pay. When I told my ex that I needed him to help pay, my ex told me that he "had no money". He denied all of that, and the Magistrate did not want to see the bill that I had with me.
He just kept lying, and doing the "poor me" thing. It sickens me. His lies were so bad, that the Magistrate even turned around at one point and said, "Well obviously, one of you is lying". I was sitting there thinking, "Yes, HE is lying". But my ex is so good and lying and manipulating, that the Magistrate didn't know who to believe.
Then my ex started complaining that he missed his son. The Magistrate did confront him as to why he moved so far away from his son. I don't remember my ex's exact answer. I think it was something along the lines of, that he needed his family's support.
In my opinion, when a person has a child, that child should come FIRST in their life. I'm not saying that other family members aren't important, but to me, a great parent will always put their child first....Period. That's what I do. He doesn't.
After he told his sob story about why he moved, the Magistrate confronted him about why he forfeited his visitation time with my son for Thanksgiving 2009. My ex indicated that he had no money. My ex always has an excuse for everything. Always. In my opinon....a great parent would find a way to see their child...even if it meant working multiple jobs.
My ex forfeited his second visitation with my son in January of 2010. The visitation would have been in Colorado, as my son is not allowed to be taken out of the state of Colorado, without the court's permission. But I gave my ex permission to visit my son in January of 2010, here in Colorado. My ex forfeited that visitation as well. That's 2 forfeits.....with more to come.
My ex begged and pleaded on the phone, and was saying things like, "But Your Honor, I'm his father"; "All I want to do is see my son"; "Can't I see my son"?
The Magistrate looked at me like I was keeping my son away from my ex. But that was not the case. My ex himself, was the reason that he wasn't seeing my son.
I forgot how much time my ex asked for. I think he asked to see my son for 2 weeks in June. The Magistrate only granted one week in June. Then my ex went on to say that he wanted to see my son for 1 week in August. The ex granted that as well.
So that was 2 visitations that he was granted...one in June of 2010, and one in August of 2010.
Then the Magistrate ordered him to pay child support. A rather low amount. She orderd him to pay me on the 20th of every month, for that month i.e. May's child support would have been due on May 20th.
I left court upset. His lies...his manipulation....he always seems to get away with it. I've never seen anything like it before.
So, my ex paid me my child support for May. June was coming up, which meant that my son who only just turned 2 years old in February, would be going to Florida with my ex. I was scared and worried about my son. And at 2 years old, I could not explain to my son that he was going to visit his Daddy for one week, and then he would be coming home to his Mommy.
On top of it, my son was calling different men that he would see (who looked nothing like my ex), "Daddy". He would do it in the parking lot, at the grocery store, etc. I asked my ex if he would get on the webcam to see my son, so that he would know who his Daddy is. I explained to my ex what my son was doing...well, I tried to explain, but my ex didn't want to hear it. In fact, he kept saying that my son knew who his Daddy was. He was not willing to see my son over the webcam. Some father.
Since my son was calling different men that he would see while we were out, "Daddy", and my ex didn't want to help, I decided to take my son to a child therapist. I wanted to make his trip as smooth as possible for him. I mean, he was going to be taken away from his Mommy, and then be with my ex who he had only seen one time in 8 months, and be surrounded by ex's family, who are strangers to my son. And then there was the plane ride. I didn't want him to be scared. My ex previously took my son for a short trip to Florida, and he gave him Benadryll so he would sleep the whole time...forget giving him a a bottle to help his ears....no, he gave him medicine to put him asleep.
I just wanted to find some ideas of how to explain to my son, on his level, what was going on, to help make his trip go smooth. I wanted my son's trip to go smooth, hence my taking my son to a child's therapist. I mean, if my ex wouldn't cooperate at all, and he wouldn't even see my son over the webcam, it was up to me, to help my son. I had nothing but the best intentions.
As a result of trying to help my son, I was once again under investigation by Social Services. If you have been following my blog from the beginning, you will know that this made the THIRD time that Social Services investiaged me.
Just when I thought that Social Services was gone from my life for good....they were back.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I had my precious, baby boy back, and he had his Mommy back!
Becoming my son's sole, residential legal custodian/guardian in October of 2009 made me so very happy! I couldn't understand how my ex could move so far away from his son, but he did.
Prior to my ex moving, I had to quit both of my jobs. Not due to laziness, but because I had nobody to watch my son. You see, when Social Services would not let me be with my son, my ex signed my son up for government assistance....food stamps; WIC (which stands for Women, Infants, and Children); Medicaid; and government assistance for my son's daycare. Everything was under my ex's name. He did not take anything out of his name, and I couldn't get my son signed up for assistance, without my ex's name being off everything.
So there was no way I could work at that point, as I could not afford school for my son, nor a babysitter.
In the legal paperwork that was granted by the Judge, my son was not allowed to be taken out of the state of Colorado. It indicated that future visititation time that my ex would receive would be worked out in the permanent paperwork. There was one exception. My ex was allowed to take my son to Florida, for Thanksgiving of 2009, provided that my ex supplied me with the address of where my son would be staying, and a phone number. My ex was not granted any other time to take my son to Florida.
My ex moved to Florida on October 10, 2009. As Thanksgiving approached, my ex forfeited his visitation time with my son, and therefore, my son was home with me. I enjoyed our one on time together. To get to re-bond with my precious, baby boy who was taken away from me because of a fight with my ex was what I needed.
Yes, I needed to work, but I needed that time alone with my son. I was diagnosed as having trauma from my son being taken from me, so this time alone with him was important for each of us. I had my precious, baby boy back, and he had his Mommy back!
I took my son to Mommy & Me Story Time at the library 3 days a week, and then Mommy & Me Gymnastics, twice a week. Everything I did, I did for my baby boy, and I still do to this very day.
The months would pass. Our home was and is still filled with peace and love.
February 14, 2010, my baby turned 2 years old. My ex flew out to Colorado and stayed at an apartment for a week that his family paid for him. My ex came without anything. He didn't have a car; and he didn't have a car seat. It was his responsibility to bring a car seat! Obviously, without a car seat, he couldn't take my son anywhere. So every day my ex would come over. He told me that he had no money. My son was sick at the time and needed medicine which cost over $70. My ex wouldn't even help me pay for his medicine. He would also proceed to tell me that he had no money for food.
So he came with no money; no car seat; and no supplies for my son. The one thing he did do was buy a box of diapers for my son, but that was it. My ex would come by during the day, and leave in the evenings.
Now, I would think that a parent who hasn't seen their son, and who didn't know the next time that he would see his son, would want to spend every waking moment with him. But not my ex....no.....he was busy texting continuously, and making plans for the evenings, etc. He even rushed my poor son's birthday party because he "had to go" for the evening.
Then he left back to Florida. After that, it was back to my son and I being alone together.
May of 2010, I went to divorce court. At this point, I was representing myself, as the attorney that I had was good at drawing up the legal paperwork, but as far as everything else, she didn't get much accomplished, except for charging alot of money.
What would happen in court that day in May of 2010 was a joke...
Prior to my ex moving, I had to quit both of my jobs. Not due to laziness, but because I had nobody to watch my son. You see, when Social Services would not let me be with my son, my ex signed my son up for government assistance....food stamps; WIC (which stands for Women, Infants, and Children); Medicaid; and government assistance for my son's daycare. Everything was under my ex's name. He did not take anything out of his name, and I couldn't get my son signed up for assistance, without my ex's name being off everything.
So there was no way I could work at that point, as I could not afford school for my son, nor a babysitter.
In the legal paperwork that was granted by the Judge, my son was not allowed to be taken out of the state of Colorado. It indicated that future visititation time that my ex would receive would be worked out in the permanent paperwork. There was one exception. My ex was allowed to take my son to Florida, for Thanksgiving of 2009, provided that my ex supplied me with the address of where my son would be staying, and a phone number. My ex was not granted any other time to take my son to Florida.
My ex moved to Florida on October 10, 2009. As Thanksgiving approached, my ex forfeited his visitation time with my son, and therefore, my son was home with me. I enjoyed our one on time together. To get to re-bond with my precious, baby boy who was taken away from me because of a fight with my ex was what I needed.
Yes, I needed to work, but I needed that time alone with my son. I was diagnosed as having trauma from my son being taken from me, so this time alone with him was important for each of us. I had my precious, baby boy back, and he had his Mommy back!
I took my son to Mommy & Me Story Time at the library 3 days a week, and then Mommy & Me Gymnastics, twice a week. Everything I did, I did for my baby boy, and I still do to this very day.
The months would pass. Our home was and is still filled with peace and love.
February 14, 2010, my baby turned 2 years old. My ex flew out to Colorado and stayed at an apartment for a week that his family paid for him. My ex came without anything. He didn't have a car; and he didn't have a car seat. It was his responsibility to bring a car seat! Obviously, without a car seat, he couldn't take my son anywhere. So every day my ex would come over. He told me that he had no money. My son was sick at the time and needed medicine which cost over $70. My ex wouldn't even help me pay for his medicine. He would also proceed to tell me that he had no money for food.
So he came with no money; no car seat; and no supplies for my son. The one thing he did do was buy a box of diapers for my son, but that was it. My ex would come by during the day, and leave in the evenings.
Now, I would think that a parent who hasn't seen their son, and who didn't know the next time that he would see his son, would want to spend every waking moment with him. But not my ex....no.....he was busy texting continuously, and making plans for the evenings, etc. He even rushed my poor son's birthday party because he "had to go" for the evening.
Then he left back to Florida. After that, it was back to my son and I being alone together.
May of 2010, I went to divorce court. At this point, I was representing myself, as the attorney that I had was good at drawing up the legal paperwork, but as far as everything else, she didn't get much accomplished, except for charging alot of money.
What would happen in court that day in May of 2010 was a joke...
Monday, February 21, 2011
I was FINALLY, my son's legal, sole, residential, custodian/guardian!
August of 2009.....Social Services had FINALLY dropped their investigation on me. They started it in July of 2008, and I believe it was in July or August of 2009 that they dropped it. And why? Because I am a GREAT mother and I have never hurt nor would I ever hurt my son.
My biological father who lives in NY was going to come visit me.....this is after me asking him multiple times to come visit me, and each time he told me "No". My sister who lives in TN was going to fly in at the same time as him. They were going to come at the end of August.
Well, in August, I learned that since Social Services dropped their case on me, my divorce got dropped as well. If you've been following my blog from the beginning, you may remember that the Magistrate rolled up my divorce along with the case with Social Services.
I was absolutely HORRIFIED to learn that my divorce was dropped! And now, me ex could legally take my son to Florida with him. I had to act, and fast! Fortunately, I don't even thing my ex realized that the divorce case got dropped, and that he could legally take my son to Florida.
I ended up telling my biological father and my sister, that their trip had to be rescheduled. I apologized, and told each of them, that it was a very bad time for me, and it truly was. They blew up. They wouldn't take "no" for an anwer. I even offered to pay for any penalties, but that didn't help, nor did it change anything. They told me that they were coming anyway....TOLD ME....like I was a child. Neither one of them respected my wishes or feelings at all. That was it. I had enough. Enough of my biological constantly screaming at me like I was and am a child...and my sister was not much better. No, she didn't scream at me like he did, but she was just like him, and she could do no wrong in his eyes.
It was after each of them told me that they were coming anyway despite what I said, that I got fed up, and left my apartment for the 4 days or so that they were going to come and visit. I stayed at a hotel. I had enough stress going on....I didn't need them to add to it, and I didn't want them showing up at my door. I asked them nicely to please reschedule....but it didn't matter how nice I asked them....neither one of them respected me for the adult that I am.
It was at the end of August, that I received a message from my father via FaceBook. He told me that my mother was very ill. As I would soon learn, she had/has stage 4 liver disease. I hadn't talked to my mother for years, and I was still mad at her, but I at least wanted to send her a message. And so I did. I believe I emailed her. I told her something along the lines of, that I was sorry to hear about her health condition, and that I loved her, and that I would pray for her.
My mom and I started talking. I was very skeptical because of how abusive she always was to me in the past. Low and behold, my mother had changed! She was no longer abusing prescription drugs. She wasn't the controlling person that she always was to me. I got my mother back! The mother that I once had, but lost for a long time. I told her that I had a son, and we started filling eachother in on our lives.
This was still a horrible time in my life. My ex could still legally take my son to Florida. My mother offered to hire me an attorney, and I took her up on her offer, and I had my attorney file a new divorce. My biological father and my mother were, and are, like day and night.
My mother was horrified to hear what I have been through. She knew I was going through a horrible time, and how scared I was. After she already booked her flight to come to see me, she offered to reschedule her trip, if it would be easier on me. She didn't scream...she wasn't angry...she simply offered. She even said, "that's what cancellation insurance is for". Wow. What a difference between her and my biological father and sister.
I told her not to re-schedule her trip, and that I wanted her to come. She did. Our reunion was a bit emotional. I was holding my precious baby boy, and I answered my door holding him.
So now, my ex could no longer legally take my son out of Colorado. That gave me a peace of mind.
It was nice to see my mother...and to see how she had changed over the years. I was very proud of her!
She visited for about 4 days or so, before she flew back to where she lives.
October came....I was working 2 jobs. One of them was the part-time job that I worked at while I was married to my ex. The other job was part-time as well, but I was doing the best that I could do. Then my ex turned around and told me that he was moving back to Florida.
My ex indicated that there was nothing for him in Colorado. Nothing for him? He is a father! In my opinion, a great parent puts their child FIRST. I mean, I was willing to stay at a shelter just so that I could see my son, even if only for once or twice a week. How he could just quit his job and move 2 time zones away from his son, I will never be able to understand. He went home to live with his mother....and no, he had no job waiting for him there. He just wanted to be near "his family"....forget his own son....he wanted to back to live with his mother. That disgusts me.
Prior to him moving, my attorney drew up temporary legal paperwork (while waiting for the permanent hearing and paperwork to be drawn up). It indicated that I was, and that I am, the legal, sole, residential custodian/guardian of my son. My ex signed the paper work, as did I...my attorney sent it to the court, and the Judge granted it.
I was FINALLY, my son's legal, sole, residential, custodian/guardian! I couldn't be happier!
My biological father who lives in NY was going to come visit me.....this is after me asking him multiple times to come visit me, and each time he told me "No". My sister who lives in TN was going to fly in at the same time as him. They were going to come at the end of August.
Well, in August, I learned that since Social Services dropped their case on me, my divorce got dropped as well. If you've been following my blog from the beginning, you may remember that the Magistrate rolled up my divorce along with the case with Social Services.
I was absolutely HORRIFIED to learn that my divorce was dropped! And now, me ex could legally take my son to Florida with him. I had to act, and fast! Fortunately, I don't even thing my ex realized that the divorce case got dropped, and that he could legally take my son to Florida.
I ended up telling my biological father and my sister, that their trip had to be rescheduled. I apologized, and told each of them, that it was a very bad time for me, and it truly was. They blew up. They wouldn't take "no" for an anwer. I even offered to pay for any penalties, but that didn't help, nor did it change anything. They told me that they were coming anyway....TOLD ME....like I was a child. Neither one of them respected my wishes or feelings at all. That was it. I had enough. Enough of my biological constantly screaming at me like I was and am a child...and my sister was not much better. No, she didn't scream at me like he did, but she was just like him, and she could do no wrong in his eyes.
It was after each of them told me that they were coming anyway despite what I said, that I got fed up, and left my apartment for the 4 days or so that they were going to come and visit. I stayed at a hotel. I had enough stress going on....I didn't need them to add to it, and I didn't want them showing up at my door. I asked them nicely to please reschedule....but it didn't matter how nice I asked them....neither one of them respected me for the adult that I am.
It was at the end of August, that I received a message from my father via FaceBook. He told me that my mother was very ill. As I would soon learn, she had/has stage 4 liver disease. I hadn't talked to my mother for years, and I was still mad at her, but I at least wanted to send her a message. And so I did. I believe I emailed her. I told her something along the lines of, that I was sorry to hear about her health condition, and that I loved her, and that I would pray for her.
My mom and I started talking. I was very skeptical because of how abusive she always was to me in the past. Low and behold, my mother had changed! She was no longer abusing prescription drugs. She wasn't the controlling person that she always was to me. I got my mother back! The mother that I once had, but lost for a long time. I told her that I had a son, and we started filling eachother in on our lives.
This was still a horrible time in my life. My ex could still legally take my son to Florida. My mother offered to hire me an attorney, and I took her up on her offer, and I had my attorney file a new divorce. My biological father and my mother were, and are, like day and night.
My mother was horrified to hear what I have been through. She knew I was going through a horrible time, and how scared I was. After she already booked her flight to come to see me, she offered to reschedule her trip, if it would be easier on me. She didn't scream...she wasn't angry...she simply offered. She even said, "that's what cancellation insurance is for". Wow. What a difference between her and my biological father and sister.
I told her not to re-schedule her trip, and that I wanted her to come. She did. Our reunion was a bit emotional. I was holding my precious baby boy, and I answered my door holding him.
So now, my ex could no longer legally take my son out of Colorado. That gave me a peace of mind.
It was nice to see my mother...and to see how she had changed over the years. I was very proud of her!
She visited for about 4 days or so, before she flew back to where she lives.
October came....I was working 2 jobs. One of them was the part-time job that I worked at while I was married to my ex. The other job was part-time as well, but I was doing the best that I could do. Then my ex turned around and told me that he was moving back to Florida.
My ex indicated that there was nothing for him in Colorado. Nothing for him? He is a father! In my opinion, a great parent puts their child FIRST. I mean, I was willing to stay at a shelter just so that I could see my son, even if only for once or twice a week. How he could just quit his job and move 2 time zones away from his son, I will never be able to understand. He went home to live with his mother....and no, he had no job waiting for him there. He just wanted to be near "his family"....forget his own son....he wanted to back to live with his mother. That disgusts me.
Prior to him moving, my attorney drew up temporary legal paperwork (while waiting for the permanent hearing and paperwork to be drawn up). It indicated that I was, and that I am, the legal, sole, residential custodian/guardian of my son. My ex signed the paper work, as did I...my attorney sent it to the court, and the Judge granted it.
I was FINALLY, my son's legal, sole, residential, custodian/guardian! I couldn't be happier!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
My ex started proving that he was a poor father, yet I was the one being investigated...
My ex was and is a "charmer". He comes across all innocent, and victim-like, singing, "poor me". Everybody believed him, and felt bad for him. It sickens me.
He was, and still is, a lousy father....at least in my opinion. And as I continue to write, you will see why I wrote that, and why I think he is a lousy father.
March of 2009....I was still be investigated...court was still going on, and my ex and I were alternating weeks with my son.
Since I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage for my house, it was going in to foreclosure. My ex, who had been living there and not paying for the house, had no choice but to move. I would ask him to please give me access to the house so I could pick up some of my belongings, yet he refused. He was so mean.
I believe that it was May of 2009, that my ex moved in to the apartment complex that I was living in. You heard me right....I moved there in December of 2008, and I had been living there, and then he moves in to the same apartment complex where I lived first, 5 months later. This is the same "man" that called the cops on me, and made me out to be a monster. If he was so "scared" of me, why did he move in to the same apartment complex as me? I know if I was scared of somebody, I would stay as far away from them as possible.
Once he moved, he FINALLY let me in the house. I had two people with me. The place was trashed. And that is an understatement. There were baby bottles with green mold in it....GREEN MOLD. I took pictures of everything. I had two witnesses with me. They were disgusted by the mess as well. I called Social Services and told them about the environment that he had my son in...and about the bottles. Their response? "Well, at least he's not using the bottles". I swear, I never saw anything like it. He really had them wrapped around his finger. To them, he was a saint who did no wrong, and I was some horrible monster.
I took my things out of the house, and left his stuff there. It was hard for me to see the house that I had custom built, destroyed like it was.
Months would continue with my ex and I alternating weeks, and Social Services investigating me, and going back and forth to court.
My ex had put my son in daycare. It was a horrible one. My son was the youngest child there, and he was constantly coming home all bit up; and with bruises; and once with his finger nail hanging off. And my son wasn't instigating anything. He was being beaten up by the older children, and the teacher sat back and did nothing.
I would tell my ex to go to the daycare and check on him (he worked at a movie theatre very close to the daycare), but he would always say that he couldn't because he was working. Well, I was working too...and much further away from that daycare, then my ex was. I put my job in jeopardy. My son comes first. Period. If I lost my job, I lost my job. My son needed me. Even though he couldn't tell me what was happening at that daycare, I could tell.
So, I was the one who always left my job and went to that daycare. I reported the daycare to their corporate headquarters. I also called Social Services. Social Services didn't do a thing. One of the big directors met with me and I showed her the pile of incident reports which showed how much my son was getting hurt.
Long story short, the teacher got suspended. I was the one who handled the problem at the daycare. I was the one who would "pop in" at the daycare and sit in the class watching for hours. My ex did nothing.
My ex would make appointments for my son to see the pediatrician, and my ex would not take my son to the appointments he scheduled, nor would he call and cancel or reschedule the appointments. The pediatrician's office told me one day while I was there with my son, that there were 2 "no shows" and if it happened again, they would no longer see my son. I had no idea what they were talking about. I asked my ex about it. His response when I told him what the pediatrician's office said to me? "I forgot".
Once when I took my son to the pediatrician's office, my ex asked me to ask them, how much fish my one year old was allowed to have. First of all, children that young can not have alot of fish. The pediatrician even told me this. I wasn't feeding my son fish, my ex was. She told me the tiny amount that he was allowed to have per month. It was a very small amount. After I told my ex the amount that she told me, he actually asked me, "is that raw or cooked"? I was in shock! Raw fish? Was he serious? I told him, None! A child that is only one yeara old can not eat sushi. My ex said that my son was "taking it from him"...Sure, my one year old was taking food away from my 6'3" ex.
Those are just some examples of how bad of a father he was and still is. When it was his week, he would call me for diapers, because he had none. He would also call me for wipes for the same reason. I always gave them to my ex...not to help my ex out, but because I worried about my son. My son would cry and want to stay with me when he saw me...he didn't want to be with my ex. It broke my heart. He would cry and cry, and hold his arms out for me, yet since it wasn't my week, there was nothing I could do. I would cry and cry. I worried so much about my son, and I wanted him to be home with me. I mean, my son was with his Daddy...why did he not want to go to him? What was going on that I didn't know about?
My ex started proving that he was a poor father, yet I was the one being investigated. There was one day that my ex picked up my son from me, and he had him for just over 24 hours. The next day when I picked up my son, he had such a severe diaper rash, that it looked like third degree burns. My precious baby boy was screaming in pain. It was on his bottom, on his front, on his back, and on his legs. He didn't leave my home that way. What went on in that 24 hour period? I brought my son to the pediatrician. The nurse took one look at my son and ran and got the pediatrician, and she asked him if it was due to child abuse (and she asked that all on her own). The pediatrician said "no". I nursed my baby boy back to health, and I got him all better.
One day it was my ex's turn to have my son for the week. My ex took my son and put him in his SUV with blaring music filled with obscenities. My apartment faced the back, so I was unaware of this. It was two of my neighbors that told me. The music was so loud, that it was blaring in their apartment. I was horrified to find this out.
Regarding that sexual harassment case. I had a restraining order from that old pervert. The state wanted to prosecute him, and they filed their own lawsuit. The pervert got a public defender. He admitted to the public defender, everything that he did to me. And he admitted that he wanted to have sex with me. His public defender told the prosecutor, for which, the prosecutor told me. I was surprised that he admitted everything, but I was glad that he did, because I figured that the prosecutor could convict him, and that it would hopefully be an open and shut case.
But the prosecutor told me that he couldn't do anything about it...even though that pervert admitted everything. Why? Because it was attorney to attorney confidentiality. The prosecutor couldn't reveal anything that was said to him in court. And the prosecutor told me that the pervert would more than likely take "the 5th", and not testify at all, making it hard to prove the case. That case manager lost his job. That was it. He got off scott-free in my opinion.
My biological father was verbally abusive to me on the phone. He would have me hysterical. He would scream at me and say the meanest things. He accused me of lying when I told him of how I was sexually harassed. Sure, he helped me out a little bit financially (trust me, it didn't hurt him)...but that didn't give him the right to treat me like he did.
This post is now leading in to August of 2009.
He was, and still is, a lousy father....at least in my opinion. And as I continue to write, you will see why I wrote that, and why I think he is a lousy father.
March of 2009....I was still be investigated...court was still going on, and my ex and I were alternating weeks with my son.
Since I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage for my house, it was going in to foreclosure. My ex, who had been living there and not paying for the house, had no choice but to move. I would ask him to please give me access to the house so I could pick up some of my belongings, yet he refused. He was so mean.
I believe that it was May of 2009, that my ex moved in to the apartment complex that I was living in. You heard me right....I moved there in December of 2008, and I had been living there, and then he moves in to the same apartment complex where I lived first, 5 months later. This is the same "man" that called the cops on me, and made me out to be a monster. If he was so "scared" of me, why did he move in to the same apartment complex as me? I know if I was scared of somebody, I would stay as far away from them as possible.
Once he moved, he FINALLY let me in the house. I had two people with me. The place was trashed. And that is an understatement. There were baby bottles with green mold in it....GREEN MOLD. I took pictures of everything. I had two witnesses with me. They were disgusted by the mess as well. I called Social Services and told them about the environment that he had my son in...and about the bottles. Their response? "Well, at least he's not using the bottles". I swear, I never saw anything like it. He really had them wrapped around his finger. To them, he was a saint who did no wrong, and I was some horrible monster.
I took my things out of the house, and left his stuff there. It was hard for me to see the house that I had custom built, destroyed like it was.
Months would continue with my ex and I alternating weeks, and Social Services investigating me, and going back and forth to court.
My ex had put my son in daycare. It was a horrible one. My son was the youngest child there, and he was constantly coming home all bit up; and with bruises; and once with his finger nail hanging off. And my son wasn't instigating anything. He was being beaten up by the older children, and the teacher sat back and did nothing.
I would tell my ex to go to the daycare and check on him (he worked at a movie theatre very close to the daycare), but he would always say that he couldn't because he was working. Well, I was working too...and much further away from that daycare, then my ex was. I put my job in jeopardy. My son comes first. Period. If I lost my job, I lost my job. My son needed me. Even though he couldn't tell me what was happening at that daycare, I could tell.
So, I was the one who always left my job and went to that daycare. I reported the daycare to their corporate headquarters. I also called Social Services. Social Services didn't do a thing. One of the big directors met with me and I showed her the pile of incident reports which showed how much my son was getting hurt.
Long story short, the teacher got suspended. I was the one who handled the problem at the daycare. I was the one who would "pop in" at the daycare and sit in the class watching for hours. My ex did nothing.
My ex would make appointments for my son to see the pediatrician, and my ex would not take my son to the appointments he scheduled, nor would he call and cancel or reschedule the appointments. The pediatrician's office told me one day while I was there with my son, that there were 2 "no shows" and if it happened again, they would no longer see my son. I had no idea what they were talking about. I asked my ex about it. His response when I told him what the pediatrician's office said to me? "I forgot".
Once when I took my son to the pediatrician's office, my ex asked me to ask them, how much fish my one year old was allowed to have. First of all, children that young can not have alot of fish. The pediatrician even told me this. I wasn't feeding my son fish, my ex was. She told me the tiny amount that he was allowed to have per month. It was a very small amount. After I told my ex the amount that she told me, he actually asked me, "is that raw or cooked"? I was in shock! Raw fish? Was he serious? I told him, None! A child that is only one yeara old can not eat sushi. My ex said that my son was "taking it from him"...Sure, my one year old was taking food away from my 6'3" ex.
Those are just some examples of how bad of a father he was and still is. When it was his week, he would call me for diapers, because he had none. He would also call me for wipes for the same reason. I always gave them to my ex...not to help my ex out, but because I worried about my son. My son would cry and want to stay with me when he saw me...he didn't want to be with my ex. It broke my heart. He would cry and cry, and hold his arms out for me, yet since it wasn't my week, there was nothing I could do. I would cry and cry. I worried so much about my son, and I wanted him to be home with me. I mean, my son was with his Daddy...why did he not want to go to him? What was going on that I didn't know about?
My ex started proving that he was a poor father, yet I was the one being investigated. There was one day that my ex picked up my son from me, and he had him for just over 24 hours. The next day when I picked up my son, he had such a severe diaper rash, that it looked like third degree burns. My precious baby boy was screaming in pain. It was on his bottom, on his front, on his back, and on his legs. He didn't leave my home that way. What went on in that 24 hour period? I brought my son to the pediatrician. The nurse took one look at my son and ran and got the pediatrician, and she asked him if it was due to child abuse (and she asked that all on her own). The pediatrician said "no". I nursed my baby boy back to health, and I got him all better.
One day it was my ex's turn to have my son for the week. My ex took my son and put him in his SUV with blaring music filled with obscenities. My apartment faced the back, so I was unaware of this. It was two of my neighbors that told me. The music was so loud, that it was blaring in their apartment. I was horrified to find this out.
Regarding that sexual harassment case. I had a restraining order from that old pervert. The state wanted to prosecute him, and they filed their own lawsuit. The pervert got a public defender. He admitted to the public defender, everything that he did to me. And he admitted that he wanted to have sex with me. His public defender told the prosecutor, for which, the prosecutor told me. I was surprised that he admitted everything, but I was glad that he did, because I figured that the prosecutor could convict him, and that it would hopefully be an open and shut case.
But the prosecutor told me that he couldn't do anything about it...even though that pervert admitted everything. Why? Because it was attorney to attorney confidentiality. The prosecutor couldn't reveal anything that was said to him in court. And the prosecutor told me that the pervert would more than likely take "the 5th", and not testify at all, making it hard to prove the case. That case manager lost his job. That was it. He got off scott-free in my opinion.
My biological father was verbally abusive to me on the phone. He would have me hysterical. He would scream at me and say the meanest things. He accused me of lying when I told him of how I was sexually harassed. Sure, he helped me out a little bit financially (trust me, it didn't hurt him)...but that didn't give him the right to treat me like he did.
This post is now leading in to August of 2009.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
It felt so great to be reunited with my precious baby boy!
The way I was able to get my son every other week is because of two reasons: 1) Social services didn't have anything on me after months and months of investigating me. And why? Because I am a GREAT mother and I have never nor would I ever hurt my son; 2) My ex and I went to mediation and agreed on alternating weeks that each of us would have my son.
So it was January, and although Social Services wasn't finished with their investigation, I'd have my precious baby boy every other week. The weeks when my ex had my son was so difficult on me....especially the first day. I would think my son was in his room and I would look in his room to see him, and then I would remember that he was with my ex. It hurt very much so when I realized that my son wasn't at home with me. At least I was getting every other week unsupervised, which was much better than what I was receiving.
My ex and I agreed on a division of the things we owned, and so, my ex who still had me locked out of my own house and would not let me in, dropped off my furniture to me. It felt so great to finally have my furniture.
I believe that it was in January, that I was sexually harassed yet again. If you've been following my whole blog, you may remember that I was sexually harassed previously by my boss. This time, I was sexually harassed by my case manager. As a reminder...a case manager represents the mental health treatment center. The case manager is SUPPOSED to be part of your support system. The case manager has access to a person's file i.e. the therapist's notes, and the psychiatrist's notes.
He used to make me feel uncomfortable. I told that to my therapist, and I told her of the things he would say to me. Her response? "He said that to you?" And I would say "yes", for which she said, "That was inappropriate." She asked me if I was able to confront him, and I told her that as much as I wanted to, that I couldn't. So she knew that I was unable to put confront him. I did my part. I reported him. I told her that I didn't feel comfortable reporting him, that's when, in my opinion, SHE should have done something about it, but she didn't.
The sexual harassment continued. And then one day he came to my apartment and starting saying extremely innapropriate things to me, as well as doing innapropriate things such as lifting up my pant leg while I was sitting on the couch, and biting my knee for which I was trying to pull my pant leg down and get him off of me, and then as I was trying to get him out of my apartment, he pushed my hair aside and started nibbling on my neck.
He told me that he was coming over to my apartment the next morning to "get in to bed with me". I was horrified. I was crying. I felt violated and scared of him coming back. I remember I had to go to work, and before doing so, I took a wad of toilet paper and wet it down and started scrubbing myself hard...my neck and my knees. I felt so dirty. I wanted him off of me. I had no time to shower...I had to get to work. I cried and cried.
That night after work, I went to the police department and asked the cop for his advice. He told me that I should file a report against him, and so I did. It was 3 pages long...hand written. I told the police officer how I was scared of him coming to my apartment the next morning like he said he was going to. This pervert kept calling me, but I didn't answer my phone to him.
Keep in mind, his words and actions were UNWANTED. He was much older than me...I think he was in his late 60's. He was not my type in any way, and the fact that he was married for 45 years didn't seem to stop him from making passes at me. That wouldn't be the end of my battle with him, as in a future post, I will be writing what came of it all.
In January, my ex offered me to have the whole month of February of 2009 alone with my son. He said it was to make up for me not being able to see him, and he also said it was because he needed a break. I believe his last reason was his REAL reason. And to that I think...he needed a break from his own son? My gosh, I can't get enough time with my son...HE is my WHOLE WORLD and I cherish every moment with him!
I gladly took my son for the full month of February 2009. It felt great to be reunited with my precious baby boy!
Come March of 2009, we started alternating weeks again. One week on and one week off. I hated my "off" weeks. I missed my son so much.
My ex still had me barracaded out of my house, and I still had things of mine in there.
And so my road was far from over. I had to deal with my ex who was emotionally abusive to me; I was still under investigation and going in and out of court by social services; and now on top of it all, I was just sexually harassed.
So it was January, and although Social Services wasn't finished with their investigation, I'd have my precious baby boy every other week. The weeks when my ex had my son was so difficult on me....especially the first day. I would think my son was in his room and I would look in his room to see him, and then I would remember that he was with my ex. It hurt very much so when I realized that my son wasn't at home with me. At least I was getting every other week unsupervised, which was much better than what I was receiving.
My ex and I agreed on a division of the things we owned, and so, my ex who still had me locked out of my own house and would not let me in, dropped off my furniture to me. It felt so great to finally have my furniture.
I believe that it was in January, that I was sexually harassed yet again. If you've been following my whole blog, you may remember that I was sexually harassed previously by my boss. This time, I was sexually harassed by my case manager. As a reminder...a case manager represents the mental health treatment center. The case manager is SUPPOSED to be part of your support system. The case manager has access to a person's file i.e. the therapist's notes, and the psychiatrist's notes.
He used to make me feel uncomfortable. I told that to my therapist, and I told her of the things he would say to me. Her response? "He said that to you?" And I would say "yes", for which she said, "That was inappropriate." She asked me if I was able to confront him, and I told her that as much as I wanted to, that I couldn't. So she knew that I was unable to put confront him. I did my part. I reported him. I told her that I didn't feel comfortable reporting him, that's when, in my opinion, SHE should have done something about it, but she didn't.
The sexual harassment continued. And then one day he came to my apartment and starting saying extremely innapropriate things to me, as well as doing innapropriate things such as lifting up my pant leg while I was sitting on the couch, and biting my knee for which I was trying to pull my pant leg down and get him off of me, and then as I was trying to get him out of my apartment, he pushed my hair aside and started nibbling on my neck.
He told me that he was coming over to my apartment the next morning to "get in to bed with me". I was horrified. I was crying. I felt violated and scared of him coming back. I remember I had to go to work, and before doing so, I took a wad of toilet paper and wet it down and started scrubbing myself hard...my neck and my knees. I felt so dirty. I wanted him off of me. I had no time to shower...I had to get to work. I cried and cried.
That night after work, I went to the police department and asked the cop for his advice. He told me that I should file a report against him, and so I did. It was 3 pages long...hand written. I told the police officer how I was scared of him coming to my apartment the next morning like he said he was going to. This pervert kept calling me, but I didn't answer my phone to him.
Keep in mind, his words and actions were UNWANTED. He was much older than me...I think he was in his late 60's. He was not my type in any way, and the fact that he was married for 45 years didn't seem to stop him from making passes at me. That wouldn't be the end of my battle with him, as in a future post, I will be writing what came of it all.
In January, my ex offered me to have the whole month of February of 2009 alone with my son. He said it was to make up for me not being able to see him, and he also said it was because he needed a break. I believe his last reason was his REAL reason. And to that I think...he needed a break from his own son? My gosh, I can't get enough time with my son...HE is my WHOLE WORLD and I cherish every moment with him!
I gladly took my son for the full month of February 2009. It felt great to be reunited with my precious baby boy!
Come March of 2009, we started alternating weeks again. One week on and one week off. I hated my "off" weeks. I missed my son so much.
My ex still had me barracaded out of my house, and I still had things of mine in there.
And so my road was far from over. I had to deal with my ex who was emotionally abusive to me; I was still under investigation and going in and out of court by social services; and now on top of it all, I was just sexually harassed.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
It was MY SON that made me want to keep living...
So there I was, staying at a different place. It was definitely an improvement from where I was staying, but I still wanted my own place.
I was working part-time at that same retail store, and then I found a full-time job. I worked, and I was still in and out of court and under investigation by social services and casa...not to mention, the guardian ad litem. I'd get to see my precious, little baby boy once or twice a week, but they wouldn't let me see him more than that.
I was paying for the bills for a house that I was literally locked out of, but I continued doing so, for the love of my baby boy.
I continued going to therapy, and taking the classes that the court ordered me too.
My biological father continued being emotionally abusive to me over the phone. He would constantly have me in tears.
I was in so much pain. The worst pain, was the pain of not being with my son. I missed him so much. I can't think about it too much, as I feel my eyes starting to tear up as I am writing this and I am trying to prevent myself from crying........too late......tears are flowing down my face, so I'm going to try to get through this post, and hope that it makes sense.
The pain of having my precious baby boy...the BEST BLESSING that God has ever given me....taken away from me, and I NEVER hurt him...nor would I. What I did to my ex was wrong. I admit it. I don't deny it. But I NEVER hurt my precious, little baby boy. He was, and still is my whole world....HE is my reason for living.
I wanted to die. I literally wanted to die. The pain was so bad....so deep. I had urges to cut myself. I hadn't cut myself for quite a while, but the urges came back, with a vengeance. The pain was so deep. Sure, my psychiatrist had me on an anti-depressant, but it didn't do anything. I wasn't depressed. I missed my baby. NO drug could possibly take away the sadness of having my baby boy taken away from me. No, it was not depression...it was, as I call it, "situational sadness". I was sad due to the situation.
I fought the urges though. All of them. All for the love of my son. It was MY SON that made me want to keep living. It was MY SON that stopped me from cutting myself. It was so very hard not to cut myself, because although cutting is an unhealthy coping mechanism...it works....at least for me it did. Yes, it was only temporary, and the pain always came back, but even to relieve the pain temporary was so very tempting.
I was constantly calling the crisis center. I programmed their phone number on my cell phone. I would call them constantly. Sometimes, several times a day/night. I was an emotional mess.
And my ex...oh, my ex...his true colors certainly continued coming out.
Finally, after 6 months of being homeless (even though I had a 4 bedroom house which was solely in my name, I was homeless)....I got myself an apartment in my home town here in Colorado. I moved in to my apartment in December of 2008. I only had my clothes. My ex wouldn't let me enter the house to get my belongings. He was so mean to me. All I wanted was to enter the house when he wasn't home, so I could get some of MY belongings. He wouldn't let me though.
At first when I tried to move in to my apartment, I was denied because I have a record. It shows up as "assault" on my record. Since 2008, I've been treated like I killed somebody. The only way I got in to the aparment, is because I submitted a letter explaining what happened on that day, and I also submitted letters from medical professionals which indicated that I wasn't a threat.
I was determined....I had to live somewhere. I needed my own place for both my son and myself. I was glad the lettters worked.
So having nothing, I bought myself an air mattress to sleep on. I don't remember when my ex finally let me have some of my things. I think it was in January of 2009.
So I was taken away from my baby on June 14, 2008, and finally in December of 2008, I was allowed to be with him alone for short periods of time. Six long months...six months of them monitoring me with my little boy...and they only started letting me be alone with him in my own apartment in December for limited periods of time. I think the first time might have been on Christmas.
The week before Christmas, I lost that full-time job I was working. I didn't like that job, and the money was low, but still...it was money. Talk about horrible timing. Still, I was able to buy my baby boy presents from Santa Claus. It was his first Christmas. I had a miniature table top tree that I had on the ground since I had no furniture, and I wrapped up all of his gifts, and I even had a stocking for him.
My ex let me see my precious baby boy Christmas afternoon, and Christmas evening. It felt so good to be alone with him in my own home, and not at the office of Social Services.
I had no furniture. I would sit on the ground. The only thing that I had was my air mattress. Finally, January came, and my ex let me have some of my furniture...prior to me taking it, we agreed on who would get what. It felt good to be able to sit on a couch.
Effective in January of 2009, my ex and I would alternate weeks that we each had our son. I would get my son for a whole week at a time! It felt so wonderful to have my baby boy back again, and to be able to hold him, and not get told, "times up", and have him ripped away from me. It was an improvement. It was a step in the right direction.
Still, my journey was far from over. The road in front of me was still long, and it would be a rough one. But at least I had my baby back.
I was working part-time at that same retail store, and then I found a full-time job. I worked, and I was still in and out of court and under investigation by social services and casa...not to mention, the guardian ad litem. I'd get to see my precious, little baby boy once or twice a week, but they wouldn't let me see him more than that.
I was paying for the bills for a house that I was literally locked out of, but I continued doing so, for the love of my baby boy.
I continued going to therapy, and taking the classes that the court ordered me too.
My biological father continued being emotionally abusive to me over the phone. He would constantly have me in tears.
I was in so much pain. The worst pain, was the pain of not being with my son. I missed him so much. I can't think about it too much, as I feel my eyes starting to tear up as I am writing this and I am trying to prevent myself from crying........too late......tears are flowing down my face, so I'm going to try to get through this post, and hope that it makes sense.
The pain of having my precious baby boy...the BEST BLESSING that God has ever given me....taken away from me, and I NEVER hurt him...nor would I. What I did to my ex was wrong. I admit it. I don't deny it. But I NEVER hurt my precious, little baby boy. He was, and still is my whole world....HE is my reason for living.
I wanted to die. I literally wanted to die. The pain was so bad....so deep. I had urges to cut myself. I hadn't cut myself for quite a while, but the urges came back, with a vengeance. The pain was so deep. Sure, my psychiatrist had me on an anti-depressant, but it didn't do anything. I wasn't depressed. I missed my baby. NO drug could possibly take away the sadness of having my baby boy taken away from me. No, it was not depression...it was, as I call it, "situational sadness". I was sad due to the situation.
I fought the urges though. All of them. All for the love of my son. It was MY SON that made me want to keep living. It was MY SON that stopped me from cutting myself. It was so very hard not to cut myself, because although cutting is an unhealthy coping mechanism...it works....at least for me it did. Yes, it was only temporary, and the pain always came back, but even to relieve the pain temporary was so very tempting.
I was constantly calling the crisis center. I programmed their phone number on my cell phone. I would call them constantly. Sometimes, several times a day/night. I was an emotional mess.
And my ex...oh, my ex...his true colors certainly continued coming out.
Finally, after 6 months of being homeless (even though I had a 4 bedroom house which was solely in my name, I was homeless)....I got myself an apartment in my home town here in Colorado. I moved in to my apartment in December of 2008. I only had my clothes. My ex wouldn't let me enter the house to get my belongings. He was so mean to me. All I wanted was to enter the house when he wasn't home, so I could get some of MY belongings. He wouldn't let me though.
At first when I tried to move in to my apartment, I was denied because I have a record. It shows up as "assault" on my record. Since 2008, I've been treated like I killed somebody. The only way I got in to the aparment, is because I submitted a letter explaining what happened on that day, and I also submitted letters from medical professionals which indicated that I wasn't a threat.
I was determined....I had to live somewhere. I needed my own place for both my son and myself. I was glad the lettters worked.
So having nothing, I bought myself an air mattress to sleep on. I don't remember when my ex finally let me have some of my things. I think it was in January of 2009.
So I was taken away from my baby on June 14, 2008, and finally in December of 2008, I was allowed to be with him alone for short periods of time. Six long months...six months of them monitoring me with my little boy...and they only started letting me be alone with him in my own apartment in December for limited periods of time. I think the first time might have been on Christmas.
The week before Christmas, I lost that full-time job I was working. I didn't like that job, and the money was low, but still...it was money. Talk about horrible timing. Still, I was able to buy my baby boy presents from Santa Claus. It was his first Christmas. I had a miniature table top tree that I had on the ground since I had no furniture, and I wrapped up all of his gifts, and I even had a stocking for him.
My ex let me see my precious baby boy Christmas afternoon, and Christmas evening. It felt so good to be alone with him in my own home, and not at the office of Social Services.
I had no furniture. I would sit on the ground. The only thing that I had was my air mattress. Finally, January came, and my ex let me have some of my furniture...prior to me taking it, we agreed on who would get what. It felt good to be able to sit on a couch.
Effective in January of 2009, my ex and I would alternate weeks that we each had our son. I would get my son for a whole week at a time! It felt so wonderful to have my baby boy back again, and to be able to hold him, and not get told, "times up", and have him ripped away from me. It was an improvement. It was a step in the right direction.
Still, my journey was far from over. The road in front of me was still long, and it would be a rough one. But at least I had my baby back.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
There was no way I was going to leave my baby's side, nor would I ever leave his side...
In and out of court for months. I felt like it was never going to be over. I wouldn't give up though. My precious baby boy needed his Mommy, and I needed him. And I NEVER did anything to hurt him, nor would I ever hurt him.
I had nothing to hide, and as I said before, when you have nothing to hide...there's nothing to worry about. The truth will eventually come out. But still, they kept their investigation going on me for months.
I was so very sad, and that is a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT. I had a great pyschiatrist that I was seeing. Sure, I had seen other psychiatrists in my life...all of them whom I referred to as "shrinks". This was the first psychiatrist that I didn't refer to as a "shrink". She listened to me. She truly listened to me. I had a great deal of respect for her.
I was so very sad. No, it was not depression. It's what I called "situational sadness". I told my psychiatrist that, and she agreed with me. She told me it was understandable. I mean, here I was, a GREAT mother who never once hurt my precious baby boy, yet they took him away from me. I was sad because I missed my baby. I wanted to hold him again.
I told my psychiatrist about what my ex was saying to me. Her reply? That there are many parents that have personal difficulties for which they seek help for, but they are GREAT parents, and then there are parents who don't see a therapist or psychiatrist, and they are HORRIBLE parents. It made me feel good when she said that because my ex continue telling me that I would lose because I was seeking therapy.
She told me that I was suffering from trauma. The trauma of having my precious baby boy taken away from me.
My SUV was so behind in payments, that even though they could not find the vehicle, I knew that I had to voluntarily turn it in. I called United Way, and I got the number of a place that helps those in need by selling them used for very cheap. I was told when I called, that they didn't have any cars, and that they'd put me on the waiting list. If I remember correctly, I was #25 on the waiting list. 25...I was horrified.
At that rate, it would be a long time before I got a car. You see, the cars they sold were cars that were donated. I cried...I begged...I explained my situation. I received a phone call back either that day or the next day, and she told me that they had a car for me. No, they didn't receive 25 cars....I guess she felt my pain.
I immediately came and paid for the car. It was a 20 year old brown station wagon. It reminded me of the "Brady Bunch" car. Still, it was my car. I paid for it...it ran....and I didn't have to worry about it being reposessed. I left my SUV in that parking lot, and I called up the SUV maker, and I informed them that my payment were behind, and I was voluntarily reposessing it, as I could not afford to make the car payments due to losing my job.
I stayed at my friend's aparment from June 20, 2008 to the end of September/October. I think that was long enough for her. Even though I stayed out of her way, I'm sure she wanted her privacy. She told me that she was going to be moving.
I had no place to go. I have no family in Colorado, and I felt so alone. I was still working at that part time job that I started in 2006. A woman there was talking about her house, and how she just cleaned 5 bathrooms. I figured with 5 bathrooms...perhaps she had a place for me, and she only had 2 adult children, and only one of them lived at home. So I asked her if I could please stay with her. Fortunately, she said "yes".
She had a room for me in her downstairs, and I even had my own bathroom. Her and her husband worked hard on cleaning it up for me, and getting it prepared for me to stay in. I was so grateful. I was so grateful to no longer have to sleep on the floor. I believe I started staying with her in September or October. I don't remember. I just know that it was before Halloween.
I would talk to my sister and my biological father on the phone. Sure, my biological father helped me out a bit financially, but trust me, it didn't hurt him. He owns 2 homes (both in the North East), and he makes alot of money. The amount of money that he helped me out with, would be like me giving a penny to a person. Don't get me wrong, I was appreciative of any help that I received...I'm just trying to explain his financial situation. He lives very comfortably.
My biological father....boy, was he abusive to me over the phone. He would yell and scream at me (no exaggeration). He would have my crying practically every time we were on the phone. Sure, he may have stopped drinking like he used to when I was young (although he would still drink), but he was still so very emotionally abusive.
I was talking to my sister and my biological father and that was it. I was all alone. I had no real support. None of my family lived in Colorado so I was all alone. But MY family lived in Colorado...my precious, little baby boy, and there was no way I was going to leave my baby's side, nor would I ever leave his side.
I had nothing to hide, and as I said before, when you have nothing to hide...there's nothing to worry about. The truth will eventually come out. But still, they kept their investigation going on me for months.
I was so very sad, and that is a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT. I had a great pyschiatrist that I was seeing. Sure, I had seen other psychiatrists in my life...all of them whom I referred to as "shrinks". This was the first psychiatrist that I didn't refer to as a "shrink". She listened to me. She truly listened to me. I had a great deal of respect for her.
I was so very sad. No, it was not depression. It's what I called "situational sadness". I told my psychiatrist that, and she agreed with me. She told me it was understandable. I mean, here I was, a GREAT mother who never once hurt my precious baby boy, yet they took him away from me. I was sad because I missed my baby. I wanted to hold him again.
I told my psychiatrist about what my ex was saying to me. Her reply? That there are many parents that have personal difficulties for which they seek help for, but they are GREAT parents, and then there are parents who don't see a therapist or psychiatrist, and they are HORRIBLE parents. It made me feel good when she said that because my ex continue telling me that I would lose because I was seeking therapy.
She told me that I was suffering from trauma. The trauma of having my precious baby boy taken away from me.
My SUV was so behind in payments, that even though they could not find the vehicle, I knew that I had to voluntarily turn it in. I called United Way, and I got the number of a place that helps those in need by selling them used for very cheap. I was told when I called, that they didn't have any cars, and that they'd put me on the waiting list. If I remember correctly, I was #25 on the waiting list. 25...I was horrified.
At that rate, it would be a long time before I got a car. You see, the cars they sold were cars that were donated. I cried...I begged...I explained my situation. I received a phone call back either that day or the next day, and she told me that they had a car for me. No, they didn't receive 25 cars....I guess she felt my pain.
I immediately came and paid for the car. It was a 20 year old brown station wagon. It reminded me of the "Brady Bunch" car. Still, it was my car. I paid for it...it ran....and I didn't have to worry about it being reposessed. I left my SUV in that parking lot, and I called up the SUV maker, and I informed them that my payment were behind, and I was voluntarily reposessing it, as I could not afford to make the car payments due to losing my job.
I stayed at my friend's aparment from June 20, 2008 to the end of September/October. I think that was long enough for her. Even though I stayed out of her way, I'm sure she wanted her privacy. She told me that she was going to be moving.
I had no place to go. I have no family in Colorado, and I felt so alone. I was still working at that part time job that I started in 2006. A woman there was talking about her house, and how she just cleaned 5 bathrooms. I figured with 5 bathrooms...perhaps she had a place for me, and she only had 2 adult children, and only one of them lived at home. So I asked her if I could please stay with her. Fortunately, she said "yes".
She had a room for me in her downstairs, and I even had my own bathroom. Her and her husband worked hard on cleaning it up for me, and getting it prepared for me to stay in. I was so grateful. I was so grateful to no longer have to sleep on the floor. I believe I started staying with her in September or October. I don't remember. I just know that it was before Halloween.
I would talk to my sister and my biological father on the phone. Sure, my biological father helped me out a bit financially, but trust me, it didn't hurt him. He owns 2 homes (both in the North East), and he makes alot of money. The amount of money that he helped me out with, would be like me giving a penny to a person. Don't get me wrong, I was appreciative of any help that I received...I'm just trying to explain his financial situation. He lives very comfortably.
My biological father....boy, was he abusive to me over the phone. He would yell and scream at me (no exaggeration). He would have my crying practically every time we were on the phone. Sure, he may have stopped drinking like he used to when I was young (although he would still drink), but he was still so very emotionally abusive.
I was talking to my sister and my biological father and that was it. I was all alone. I had no real support. None of my family lived in Colorado so I was all alone. But MY family lived in Colorado...my precious, little baby boy, and there was no way I was going to leave my baby's side, nor would I ever leave his side.
Friday, February 4, 2011
I will never forget that day...I will never forget that Magistrate...
Back and forth....back and forth....that's the way my ex was. One minute he wanted to be with me, and the next minute, he didn't. Talk about mind games...it was like a roller coaster.
But I took vows...."for better for worse"....and I meant that. When I married my ex, I planned on it being for life. I MEANT my vows. I don't believe he did. In my opinion, that's why the divorce rate is high. People get married when all is going well, and they vow to be with one another forever....and then life happens....the "worse" comes.....in my opinion, that's when it's time for the couple to work it out together. Sure it may be difficult to do so, but marriage takes work from both people. And when the two get through that "worse", it brings them closer together in the end. But if both people aren't willing to get through the rough times together....when one person chooses the easy way out.....then comes the divorce. To me, not trying to work things out is the easy way out. So I was willing to work things out, but my ex wasn't. Why did he take vows?
So there I was, working on trying to save my marriage. I started therapy BEFORE I was sentenced to attend therapy. Why? Not to make myself look good in front of the Judge. No. I started therapy because I WANTED to change myself. I wanted to learn the "tools" to handle my anger in a healthy manner when I was angry...the skills that I never saw or learned growing up. I WANTED to better myself....for my son and for myself.
My ex went to one, maybe two of my therapy sessions with me. At my therapy session with him, the therapist told my ex to never pin me down to the bed again, and that when he did that, he probably triggered a memory in my head...a memory from my childhood that I had blocked out.
I was telling my ex what I planned on doing the next time I got upset...I was going to try one of a couple of different things. One of them being, telling my ex, "When you ______, it made me feel _____." If that didn't work, I was going to take a "time-out" for myself. Either spend time with my precious baby boy, or if he was sleeping, then take a walk, or watch a sitcom on TV. I was not going to fight with my ex.
But as I stated above, my ex chose the easy way out.....at least in my opinion. And so, on went the mind games. It was during a time where he didn't want to be with me that I said to him over the phone, "but what about our vows? We said through better or worse. This is a 'worse'. We can get through this together". And I meant it. I was speaking from my heart. His reply? "Stop trying to manipulate me". I just cried and cried. I wasn't trying to "manipulate" him. I was telling him how I honestly felt.
So in and out of court I continued to go. And on and on his mind games continued.
Since it was a civil case, I had a court-appointed attorney. This attorney was different then the one for my criminal case. In and out of court....over and over.
My ex was still talking about taking my son to Florida. That horrified me. And then he told me yet again, that he didn't want to be with me. If he didn't want to be with me...than so be it, but I wasn't going to sit back and let him take my son to Florida. Had he done so, I would have never gotten the chance to see my precious baby boy.
So I did what I had to do. I filed for a divorce in September of 2008. I filled out the paperwork at the court house. I was crying the whole time. I was crying when I was paying to have my ex served. But I was doing what I had to do. I couldn't force him to want to be with me, and I had to stop him from taking my precious baby boy to Florida. By law, once I filed for a divorce, my ex was not allowed to move my son out of the state of Colorado. Period.
In the midst of going in and out of court, the Magistrate combined the civil case along with the divorce case, and the Magistrate rolled it up in to one big case.
I was working, and my ex was still not. I was paying for the house bills over the phone with my debit card....at least as many bills as I could with the low salary I was receiving. No, I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage anymore since I lost my Commercial Real Estate job, but at least I could pay for some of the bills. My ex stayed in the house and he let ME pay the bills, and he went to Social Services, and got them to help pay the rest of the bills. Talk about lazy. But then again, he was lazy the whole time we were married.
As I previously wrote, he took the SUV that I paid cash for, and he left me with the one with a hefty car payment. One, which I could no longer afford without my Commercial Real Estate job. The payments were months behind. I'm sure they were looking for the SUV to reposses it; however, I was staying 45 minutes away with a friend, and they had no idea where the vehicle was.
I asked my ex to swap SUV's with me, as I needed to work. He wouldn't. His reponse? "Take the bus". But there were no buses that went to the places that I had to travel to. My ex didn't care. The only person my ex has ever cared about was himself.
I was allowed to enter the house as long as my son was not there; however, my ex made sure that I had no access to the house. He took my key, my garage door opener, and he took down the garage door opener that was on the outside of the house. He completely had me locked out of my own house.
He kept playing mind games with me. He kept telling me of how I would lose. He kept telling me that I would not get custody of my son. I believed him. He said it so hateful and convincingly...not to mention, he had Social Services and everyone else, on his side.
I'll never forget that day in court. We were in front of the Magistrate, and the Magistrate turned around and brought up a case. I believe the name of the case was "Yates". Not the "Yates" case that I knew about....apparantely, there was another one.
The Magistrate looked at my ex and said, "I want the father to read up on the case of 'Yates'". I was thinking...."Yates...Yates...what about the Yates case"? The Magistrate went on and told my ex and the entire court room about the Yates case. Apparantely, the mother did something horrific (I believe it was a domestic violence case). I believe that it was alot worse than what I did. It was after she committed that crime, that they investigated who the better parent was.
After their investigation, the mother got sole custody. The Magistrate told this story to the court room, and after telling about that case, he looked right at my ex and said, "So just because somebody may have made a mistake or has a record DOES NOT MEAN that they are not a good parent". Wow. He said that with a very stern voice, and looking straight at my ex.
It was like the Magistrate knew what my ex was doing to me; what he was saying to me; and the mind games that he was playing with me. I was so glad that the Magistrate said that. It made me feel so good to hear him say that, and I finally believed that I had a chance...I was convinced by my ex as to otherwise, until the Magistrate said that. I will never forget that day...I will never forget that Magistrate. I will never forget how good that made me feel. He put my ex in his place, and it felt good.
But I took vows...."for better for worse"....and I meant that. When I married my ex, I planned on it being for life. I MEANT my vows. I don't believe he did. In my opinion, that's why the divorce rate is high. People get married when all is going well, and they vow to be with one another forever....and then life happens....the "worse" comes.....in my opinion, that's when it's time for the couple to work it out together. Sure it may be difficult to do so, but marriage takes work from both people. And when the two get through that "worse", it brings them closer together in the end. But if both people aren't willing to get through the rough times together....when one person chooses the easy way out.....then comes the divorce. To me, not trying to work things out is the easy way out. So I was willing to work things out, but my ex wasn't. Why did he take vows?
So there I was, working on trying to save my marriage. I started therapy BEFORE I was sentenced to attend therapy. Why? Not to make myself look good in front of the Judge. No. I started therapy because I WANTED to change myself. I wanted to learn the "tools" to handle my anger in a healthy manner when I was angry...the skills that I never saw or learned growing up. I WANTED to better myself....for my son and for myself.
My ex went to one, maybe two of my therapy sessions with me. At my therapy session with him, the therapist told my ex to never pin me down to the bed again, and that when he did that, he probably triggered a memory in my head...a memory from my childhood that I had blocked out.
I was telling my ex what I planned on doing the next time I got upset...I was going to try one of a couple of different things. One of them being, telling my ex, "When you ______, it made me feel _____." If that didn't work, I was going to take a "time-out" for myself. Either spend time with my precious baby boy, or if he was sleeping, then take a walk, or watch a sitcom on TV. I was not going to fight with my ex.
But as I stated above, my ex chose the easy way out.....at least in my opinion. And so, on went the mind games. It was during a time where he didn't want to be with me that I said to him over the phone, "but what about our vows? We said through better or worse. This is a 'worse'. We can get through this together". And I meant it. I was speaking from my heart. His reply? "Stop trying to manipulate me". I just cried and cried. I wasn't trying to "manipulate" him. I was telling him how I honestly felt.
So in and out of court I continued to go. And on and on his mind games continued.
Since it was a civil case, I had a court-appointed attorney. This attorney was different then the one for my criminal case. In and out of court....over and over.
My ex was still talking about taking my son to Florida. That horrified me. And then he told me yet again, that he didn't want to be with me. If he didn't want to be with me...than so be it, but I wasn't going to sit back and let him take my son to Florida. Had he done so, I would have never gotten the chance to see my precious baby boy.
So I did what I had to do. I filed for a divorce in September of 2008. I filled out the paperwork at the court house. I was crying the whole time. I was crying when I was paying to have my ex served. But I was doing what I had to do. I couldn't force him to want to be with me, and I had to stop him from taking my precious baby boy to Florida. By law, once I filed for a divorce, my ex was not allowed to move my son out of the state of Colorado. Period.
In the midst of going in and out of court, the Magistrate combined the civil case along with the divorce case, and the Magistrate rolled it up in to one big case.
I was working, and my ex was still not. I was paying for the house bills over the phone with my debit card....at least as many bills as I could with the low salary I was receiving. No, I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage anymore since I lost my Commercial Real Estate job, but at least I could pay for some of the bills. My ex stayed in the house and he let ME pay the bills, and he went to Social Services, and got them to help pay the rest of the bills. Talk about lazy. But then again, he was lazy the whole time we were married.
As I previously wrote, he took the SUV that I paid cash for, and he left me with the one with a hefty car payment. One, which I could no longer afford without my Commercial Real Estate job. The payments were months behind. I'm sure they were looking for the SUV to reposses it; however, I was staying 45 minutes away with a friend, and they had no idea where the vehicle was.
I asked my ex to swap SUV's with me, as I needed to work. He wouldn't. His reponse? "Take the bus". But there were no buses that went to the places that I had to travel to. My ex didn't care. The only person my ex has ever cared about was himself.
I was allowed to enter the house as long as my son was not there; however, my ex made sure that I had no access to the house. He took my key, my garage door opener, and he took down the garage door opener that was on the outside of the house. He completely had me locked out of my own house.
He kept playing mind games with me. He kept telling me of how I would lose. He kept telling me that I would not get custody of my son. I believed him. He said it so hateful and convincingly...not to mention, he had Social Services and everyone else, on his side.
I'll never forget that day in court. We were in front of the Magistrate, and the Magistrate turned around and brought up a case. I believe the name of the case was "Yates". Not the "Yates" case that I knew about....apparantely, there was another one.
The Magistrate looked at my ex and said, "I want the father to read up on the case of 'Yates'". I was thinking...."Yates...Yates...what about the Yates case"? The Magistrate went on and told my ex and the entire court room about the Yates case. Apparantely, the mother did something horrific (I believe it was a domestic violence case). I believe that it was alot worse than what I did. It was after she committed that crime, that they investigated who the better parent was.
After their investigation, the mother got sole custody. The Magistrate told this story to the court room, and after telling about that case, he looked right at my ex and said, "So just because somebody may have made a mistake or has a record DOES NOT MEAN that they are not a good parent". Wow. He said that with a very stern voice, and looking straight at my ex.
It was like the Magistrate knew what my ex was doing to me; what he was saying to me; and the mind games that he was playing with me. I was so glad that the Magistrate said that. It made me feel so good to hear him say that, and I finally believed that I had a chance...I was convinced by my ex as to otherwise, until the Magistrate said that. I will never forget that day...I will never forget that Magistrate. I will never forget how good that made me feel. He put my ex in his place, and it felt good.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
The manipulation...the mind games...
And so began my battle with Social Services. I cried and cried and cried. I went back to my friend's aparment. All I wanted, was to be with my precious baby boy.
As I said, I was staying at my friend's aparment. It was not in a good section of town, and her place wasn't exactly clean, not to mention, she had a bug infestation, for which exterminators were coming in repeatedly for the bugs, for which, the bugs always came back.
I think my friend was getting irritated with me staying there. You see, I was working, but I was taking my money and paying the bills on the house where my baby boy was staying. I had no money to spare, as I was hardly making anything. I think my friend was upset that I wasn't paying her.
I picked up after myself every day. What wasn't in my suitcase, was in my SUV. I was not a slob. And I was so sad, that to even function was so very difficult on me, as all I could think about was my precious, little baby boy. I missed him so very much.
We sat down and talked, and I agreed to start cleaning for her. She wasn't the cleanest of people. I would wash her dishes, and I washed the bathtub after every time I used it. I vacuumed, swept her kitchen floor, and I did what I could to help out.
I don't think it was enough for her though. She was young. Probably around 22, and I'm sure she wanted her privacy. I will not write my weight again. I did once so that I could give you, the reader, the size difference between my ex and I. My weight had dropped quite a bit from what I previously wrote. The reason I wrote that, is because I'm trying to explain that I was and still am, a lightweight. I was sleeping on her couch, and she told me that I was ruining her couch by sleeping on it (causing indentations). After she told me that, I started sleeping on the floor. I didn't like it, and I was always cold, but I was glad to just have a roof over my head.
Getting back to Social Services....I was in and out of court with them countless of times. I'd go to court, and then I'd have another court date scheduled 2 weeks or so later. I was always in court.
There was social services, a guardian ad litem, and casa....all of them against me. Who knows what my ex was telling them. The thing is, my ex would tell others what a wonderful mother I was, and how I never hurt my son, yet he would never say that in court. Never.
One day I asked him if he could please talk in court. I didn't tell him what to say. I told him to tell the truth about my parenting...the honest truth. His reply? How would it look on him if he spoke up on my behalf, considering he called the cops on me that day. He told me that if he spoke up for me, it would make him look like a bad father.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. All I wanted him to do was to tell the truth. What he honestly thought. But he wouldn't do that. Instead, he was smooth talking social services, and everybody else, and doing the "poor me" thing. They all fell for it.
It hurt so bad knowing that I had never hurt my precious baby, nor would I ever, yet I was getting treated like I did. They were so mean to me.
I was allowed to see my baby boy once and then up to two times a week under supervision. I was just so happy to get to see my baby boy. They video taped everything. I had nothing to hide. And if you truly have nothing to hide, then they don't have anything on you, as the truth always comes out. And that is what the case was on me. My thoughts were...Let them do their investigation for as long as they wanted to, as I had nothing to hide.
My ex would always arrive late to my visitations. One time I had a 2 hour visit, and my ex got there approximately 1 hour and 40 minutes late. And I was the one traveling 45 minutes to see my baby. My ex, lived fairly close by, in the same town.
My ex would bring toys that I personally bought for my baby boy. I got in trouble for not providing my own toys. Forget the fact that the toys that he brought, I had bought for my son with my very own money. Boy, did they come down on me. It was like, nothing I did, was right. And in their eyes, my ex was a saint. It was sickening.
I just wanted the nightmare to be over. And my ex....oh my ex.....what he would do to me. The manipulation...the mind games. For example, he would say to me over the phone things like, "You grew up in abuse...I didn't. You have mental problems....I don't. You have been to jail....I haven't. You will NEVER get custody...I will". I would hang up the phone and just cry and cry and cry. He had me convinced that I would lose. I believed him.
As I said, I was staying at my friend's aparment. It was not in a good section of town, and her place wasn't exactly clean, not to mention, she had a bug infestation, for which exterminators were coming in repeatedly for the bugs, for which, the bugs always came back.
I think my friend was getting irritated with me staying there. You see, I was working, but I was taking my money and paying the bills on the house where my baby boy was staying. I had no money to spare, as I was hardly making anything. I think my friend was upset that I wasn't paying her.
I picked up after myself every day. What wasn't in my suitcase, was in my SUV. I was not a slob. And I was so sad, that to even function was so very difficult on me, as all I could think about was my precious, little baby boy. I missed him so very much.
We sat down and talked, and I agreed to start cleaning for her. She wasn't the cleanest of people. I would wash her dishes, and I washed the bathtub after every time I used it. I vacuumed, swept her kitchen floor, and I did what I could to help out.
I don't think it was enough for her though. She was young. Probably around 22, and I'm sure she wanted her privacy. I will not write my weight again. I did once so that I could give you, the reader, the size difference between my ex and I. My weight had dropped quite a bit from what I previously wrote. The reason I wrote that, is because I'm trying to explain that I was and still am, a lightweight. I was sleeping on her couch, and she told me that I was ruining her couch by sleeping on it (causing indentations). After she told me that, I started sleeping on the floor. I didn't like it, and I was always cold, but I was glad to just have a roof over my head.
Getting back to Social Services....I was in and out of court with them countless of times. I'd go to court, and then I'd have another court date scheduled 2 weeks or so later. I was always in court.
There was social services, a guardian ad litem, and casa....all of them against me. Who knows what my ex was telling them. The thing is, my ex would tell others what a wonderful mother I was, and how I never hurt my son, yet he would never say that in court. Never.
One day I asked him if he could please talk in court. I didn't tell him what to say. I told him to tell the truth about my parenting...the honest truth. His reply? How would it look on him if he spoke up on my behalf, considering he called the cops on me that day. He told me that if he spoke up for me, it would make him look like a bad father.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. All I wanted him to do was to tell the truth. What he honestly thought. But he wouldn't do that. Instead, he was smooth talking social services, and everybody else, and doing the "poor me" thing. They all fell for it.
It hurt so bad knowing that I had never hurt my precious baby, nor would I ever, yet I was getting treated like I did. They were so mean to me.
I was allowed to see my baby boy once and then up to two times a week under supervision. I was just so happy to get to see my baby boy. They video taped everything. I had nothing to hide. And if you truly have nothing to hide, then they don't have anything on you, as the truth always comes out. And that is what the case was on me. My thoughts were...Let them do their investigation for as long as they wanted to, as I had nothing to hide.
My ex would always arrive late to my visitations. One time I had a 2 hour visit, and my ex got there approximately 1 hour and 40 minutes late. And I was the one traveling 45 minutes to see my baby. My ex, lived fairly close by, in the same town.
My ex would bring toys that I personally bought for my baby boy. I got in trouble for not providing my own toys. Forget the fact that the toys that he brought, I had bought for my son with my very own money. Boy, did they come down on me. It was like, nothing I did, was right. And in their eyes, my ex was a saint. It was sickening.
I just wanted the nightmare to be over. And my ex....oh my ex.....what he would do to me. The manipulation...the mind games. For example, he would say to me over the phone things like, "You grew up in abuse...I didn't. You have mental problems....I don't. You have been to jail....I haven't. You will NEVER get custody...I will". I would hang up the phone and just cry and cry and cry. He had me convinced that I would lose. I believed him.
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