This is going to be my last post....at least for a while. Will I post again in the future? I don't know. Perhaps some time between May-August, but I can't say for sure. My blog has served its purpose.
I have followers who have followed my true life story from the very beginning. For those of you that have, I truly thank you for following along, and for your support.
I'm sure there are people who only read a recent post or two, and in doing so, they don't know my life story...they just know a tid-bit. Nevertheless, I thank those people as well, for taking the time to read a post or two from my blog.
I will reiterate what I wrote in the beginning (which my followers from the beginning have read)...I did not write this post because I am in a pity-party. I did not write this post for thereapeutic reasons....trust me, this blog has been anything but thereapeutic for me, as I had to relive things that I'd much rather forget.
I wrote this blog for my son. For you see, it is my hope to get my true life story out in the public, and when I say "public", I mean above and beyond a simple blog. Only time will tell what will happen. I would much rather try and not get any "bites" on my blog, than to have never had tried, and to always wonder, "what if?"
It's all in God's Hands now. He has been taking care of my son and I all along, and I know that He will continue to do so. I believe that God has a plan for me. I pray that He shows me that plan soon, and I will follow.
Things are slowly but surely looking up. My divorce is almost finalized, and my probation is almost over, and hopefully, I'll start receiving child support soon.
The last piece of the puzzle is finding a higher paying job and getting my record expunged.
Everything happens for a reason. I do not regret marrying my ex, because if I never married him, I would never of had my precious baby boy.
It's the things in our life...both good and bad, that makes us the people that we are today. And I like the person I am. I'm not perfect, and I don't claim to be so (none of us are), but at least I try to be the kind of person that God wants me to be.
"When one door closes, another door opens. And when all doors close, then God opens a window!" - - Joel Osteen (that is from memory, and may not be verbatim, but it's close). Anyways, I am waiting for God to open that window for me!
I believe that Joel Osteen also said it best when he said something along the lines of, "Do you know why your windshield is much larger than your rear view mirror?" "Because where you've been, isn't nearly as important as where you are going!"
Amen!
I am so extremely Blessed, and I have God to thank for that. I continue to hold Matthew 6:25-6:34 close to my heart, and I hold on to that passage during the difficult time that I am going through.
I won't give up, and I never will....all for the love of my son.
Since I don't know if I'll be posting again in the future, I invite you to email me at onemothersjourney@yahoo.com, if you would like to.
Thank you for those of you who have faitfully followed my story, and for your support, and for your words of encouragement.
May God Bless You!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I honestly believe that God has been taking care of my son and myself.
Where I'm at now.....that's nothing that I can sum up in one sentence. I am anxiously waiting for my divorce to be finalized, which if all goes well, will be on May 10th, which is my final hearing.
I am waiting for the Child Support Enforcement Agency to start paying me the child support that my ex was court ordered to pay. They opened my case in March, and hopefully I'll receive some child support once and for all, starting in May.
I am waiting for July 29th, which is my first day off of probation, after 3 long years of waiting.
I am working full-time, and while working full-time, I am looking for a job back in Commercial Real Estate which is what I did for 6 years before losing my job, as I really enjoyed it, and the money was good. I make much less than half of what I used to make doing Commercial Real Estate.
Most importantly, I am a full-time, single Mommy, to my precious, little boy who I love more than life itself! There's a certain pride that comes with raising my little boy completely on my own. Every day I watch him thrive and flourish, and I am so very proud of him. I have realized that a family isn't about quantity. My son and I ARE a family! We are TWO STRONG! :-)
I have days that are hard for me, I'm not going to lie. I get in such pain at times....so much fear....I get so scared. My little boy depends on me, and although I am doing everything I possibly can, I sometimes feel like it's not good enough. I work full-time while applying for Commercial Real Estate jobs; I am selling my personal belongings (nothing of my son's); and I'm hoping to get my true life story out in the public....more than just a blog. I go to a food pantry for help with food, and I have gone to Churches for help.
Until I get my record sealed, it's going to interfere with me getting a good job...I am speaking from personal experience, as I have lost jobs because of it...Human Resources always stops a company from hiring me.
In 2008, I turned to God. I have always been religious, but its only been over the past few years that my Faith has grown as Strong as it is now. I was raised a Catholic, and in 2009, I decided to change to a Non-Denominational Christian. I don't pretend that I know the whole Bible, because I don't. In fact, I have alot to learn. But I do read from it, and I pray and keep a close relationship with God.
I honestly believe that God has been taking care of my son and myself. I hold on to Matthew 6:25-6:34, and I have so many personal examples to prove that what is written in that passage is so very true, as long as you keep your Faith Strong, which is what I do.
I see God come to me. I don't see or hear him personally; however, I do see that he places it in the hearts of others to help me in my time of need. God comes to me through those people.
I still have my struggles and worries. I still have an eating disorder, which I have had for more than half of my life now, which I battle every day. I still have urges when the pain is so deep inside of me to cut myself to snap myself out of the pain....but I don't, and I won't. I fight it. I fight my anorexia. Yes, I have a low BMI, which means, that technically, I am underweight; however, I keep my weight above the danger level, and I won't let it get too low. Why do I fight these things? For my son. He needs me, and I need him.
I may be waiting on several things, but I do not want to rush time by in any way. And the reason that I don't is because I cherish each and every moment with my little boy, and I don't want that time to rush by.
My son keeps me going. He keeps me pushing forward and not giving up. My son is my reason for living.
Some people may look at me and/or read my story and think, "She has nothing", and to all of those people, I say, "I have EVERYTHING!"
It's been a long, hard road, but I believe that God has a plan for me. I know he does! I keep my Faith Strong, and I am waiting for Him to show me His plan for me, and I will follow.
As long as I keep my Faith Strong, I know that God will continue to take care of my son and I, as He has been all along, and I feel that my Faith is Stronger now, than it ever has been before.
I am under extreme financial hardship and I am constantly scared of not being able to pay my bills, but at the same time, I can honestly say that I am so Extremely Blessed, and God has been taking care of my son and i all along, and that I know He will continue to do so as long as I keep my Faith Strong! Thanks Be To God!
I am waiting for the Child Support Enforcement Agency to start paying me the child support that my ex was court ordered to pay. They opened my case in March, and hopefully I'll receive some child support once and for all, starting in May.
I am waiting for July 29th, which is my first day off of probation, after 3 long years of waiting.
I am working full-time, and while working full-time, I am looking for a job back in Commercial Real Estate which is what I did for 6 years before losing my job, as I really enjoyed it, and the money was good. I make much less than half of what I used to make doing Commercial Real Estate.
Most importantly, I am a full-time, single Mommy, to my precious, little boy who I love more than life itself! There's a certain pride that comes with raising my little boy completely on my own. Every day I watch him thrive and flourish, and I am so very proud of him. I have realized that a family isn't about quantity. My son and I ARE a family! We are TWO STRONG! :-)
I have days that are hard for me, I'm not going to lie. I get in such pain at times....so much fear....I get so scared. My little boy depends on me, and although I am doing everything I possibly can, I sometimes feel like it's not good enough. I work full-time while applying for Commercial Real Estate jobs; I am selling my personal belongings (nothing of my son's); and I'm hoping to get my true life story out in the public....more than just a blog. I go to a food pantry for help with food, and I have gone to Churches for help.
Until I get my record sealed, it's going to interfere with me getting a good job...I am speaking from personal experience, as I have lost jobs because of it...Human Resources always stops a company from hiring me.
In 2008, I turned to God. I have always been religious, but its only been over the past few years that my Faith has grown as Strong as it is now. I was raised a Catholic, and in 2009, I decided to change to a Non-Denominational Christian. I don't pretend that I know the whole Bible, because I don't. In fact, I have alot to learn. But I do read from it, and I pray and keep a close relationship with God.
I honestly believe that God has been taking care of my son and myself. I hold on to Matthew 6:25-6:34, and I have so many personal examples to prove that what is written in that passage is so very true, as long as you keep your Faith Strong, which is what I do.
I see God come to me. I don't see or hear him personally; however, I do see that he places it in the hearts of others to help me in my time of need. God comes to me through those people.
I still have my struggles and worries. I still have an eating disorder, which I have had for more than half of my life now, which I battle every day. I still have urges when the pain is so deep inside of me to cut myself to snap myself out of the pain....but I don't, and I won't. I fight it. I fight my anorexia. Yes, I have a low BMI, which means, that technically, I am underweight; however, I keep my weight above the danger level, and I won't let it get too low. Why do I fight these things? For my son. He needs me, and I need him.
I may be waiting on several things, but I do not want to rush time by in any way. And the reason that I don't is because I cherish each and every moment with my little boy, and I don't want that time to rush by.
My son keeps me going. He keeps me pushing forward and not giving up. My son is my reason for living.
Some people may look at me and/or read my story and think, "She has nothing", and to all of those people, I say, "I have EVERYTHING!"
It's been a long, hard road, but I believe that God has a plan for me. I know he does! I keep my Faith Strong, and I am waiting for Him to show me His plan for me, and I will follow.
As long as I keep my Faith Strong, I know that God will continue to take care of my son and I, as He has been all along, and I feel that my Faith is Stronger now, than it ever has been before.
I am under extreme financial hardship and I am constantly scared of not being able to pay my bills, but at the same time, I can honestly say that I am so Extremely Blessed, and God has been taking care of my son and i all along, and that I know He will continue to do so as long as I keep my Faith Strong! Thanks Be To God!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I won't give up though, and I never will...all for the love of my son...
Getting back to the settlement....Usually in a divorce, the marital debts are split 50/50. I was so fed up and just wanted this divorce over, that I agreed to take on all of the marital debts except for the outstanding balance of the Suzuki Grand Vitara which was reposessed.
In regards to child support, by law I am allowed to receive 12% interest compounded monthly on all outstanding child support. But I didn't go after that. It's not that I don't need the money, and I am still going after my ex for all of the child support that is in arrears...it's just that I'm over it.
The main thing that I wanted was and still is, what I honestly feel is for my son's best interest, and that is for me to remain his legal, sole residential guardian (which I already am, and that would not have changed); and for me to be my son's sole decision maker, which only makes sense, especially with me being his sole residential guardian.
I also wanted my ex to have low visitation time. That may sound harsh, but my ex has proven himself to be an irresponsible father when my son was with him. Also, my ex has only seen my son once in over a year and a half. My son's 3rd birthday came and went, and my ex didn't even send my son a birthday gift. If my ex was a good and responsible father, then I would have agreed to more visitation time; but he is not, and he has proven that over and over.
Even with having low visitation time, I can almost guarantee you that my ex will be forfeiting what visitation time he does have.
My ex has not changed whatsoever. I do not talk to him unless it's about my son. The last time I spoke to him, I was telling him about our son, and my ex changed the subject to whether or not I am changing my last name back to my maiden name. I should have ended the conversation or told him, that, that was not his concern, but instead, I didn't. I told him that I was keeping my last name, for which my ex went off, and got upset and went off on a "tizzy". He went on and on and on about it, and he was basically telling (or trying to tell me) what he wanted me to do, which was to change my last name back to my maiden name.
I called back my ex and left him a voice mail, and I indicated on there that going forward, to please not ask me about my personal life, as I don't ask him about his, and our conversations should be about our son, and that's it. I informed him on his voice mail that if he changes the subject off of our son, and on to my personal life, that I was going to kindly excuse myself from the conversations, and say goodbye, and then end the call.
I will not change my mind though. This is something that I thought long and hard over. Most people were giving me their "2 cents", and were telling me to change my last name back to my maiden name, and how that would send my ex a message. First of all, I was the one who filed for the divorce...isn't that enought of a message? Besides, my decision had NOTHING to do with my ex. When I couldn't decide what to do, I prayed about it. I asked God to help me come up with an answer. Approximately 1 or 2 days later, I felt the answer inside of me. It was very intense. It was in my heart. I knew what the right thing for me to do was, and that was to keep my last name...all for the love of my son. As my son grows older, he will know his last name. It is extremely important to me that my son has his Mommy's last name, and that I have his last name. It is my decision, and that is what I decided to do.
But that's the way my ex is. He is irrational, and there is no rationalizing with somebody who is irrational.
Three weeks...three weeks from today, and my divorce SHOULD finally be finalized.....May 10th to be exact. I can't wait until it is finalized! On top of it, my probation will be over at the end of July. July 28th is my last day of probation, and July 29th, I am finally off of being on probation, after having been on it for three years.
Now my major obstacle is to find a job, which is more challenging than it may sound, because despite my experience, my record is preventing me from getting a job. I won't give up though, and I never will....all for the love of my son, as he needs me, and I need him.
In regards to child support, by law I am allowed to receive 12% interest compounded monthly on all outstanding child support. But I didn't go after that. It's not that I don't need the money, and I am still going after my ex for all of the child support that is in arrears...it's just that I'm over it.
The main thing that I wanted was and still is, what I honestly feel is for my son's best interest, and that is for me to remain his legal, sole residential guardian (which I already am, and that would not have changed); and for me to be my son's sole decision maker, which only makes sense, especially with me being his sole residential guardian.
I also wanted my ex to have low visitation time. That may sound harsh, but my ex has proven himself to be an irresponsible father when my son was with him. Also, my ex has only seen my son once in over a year and a half. My son's 3rd birthday came and went, and my ex didn't even send my son a birthday gift. If my ex was a good and responsible father, then I would have agreed to more visitation time; but he is not, and he has proven that over and over.
Even with having low visitation time, I can almost guarantee you that my ex will be forfeiting what visitation time he does have.
My ex has not changed whatsoever. I do not talk to him unless it's about my son. The last time I spoke to him, I was telling him about our son, and my ex changed the subject to whether or not I am changing my last name back to my maiden name. I should have ended the conversation or told him, that, that was not his concern, but instead, I didn't. I told him that I was keeping my last name, for which my ex went off, and got upset and went off on a "tizzy". He went on and on and on about it, and he was basically telling (or trying to tell me) what he wanted me to do, which was to change my last name back to my maiden name.
I called back my ex and left him a voice mail, and I indicated on there that going forward, to please not ask me about my personal life, as I don't ask him about his, and our conversations should be about our son, and that's it. I informed him on his voice mail that if he changes the subject off of our son, and on to my personal life, that I was going to kindly excuse myself from the conversations, and say goodbye, and then end the call.
I will not change my mind though. This is something that I thought long and hard over. Most people were giving me their "2 cents", and were telling me to change my last name back to my maiden name, and how that would send my ex a message. First of all, I was the one who filed for the divorce...isn't that enought of a message? Besides, my decision had NOTHING to do with my ex. When I couldn't decide what to do, I prayed about it. I asked God to help me come up with an answer. Approximately 1 or 2 days later, I felt the answer inside of me. It was very intense. It was in my heart. I knew what the right thing for me to do was, and that was to keep my last name...all for the love of my son. As my son grows older, he will know his last name. It is extremely important to me that my son has his Mommy's last name, and that I have his last name. It is my decision, and that is what I decided to do.
But that's the way my ex is. He is irrational, and there is no rationalizing with somebody who is irrational.
Three weeks...three weeks from today, and my divorce SHOULD finally be finalized.....May 10th to be exact. I can't wait until it is finalized! On top of it, my probation will be over at the end of July. July 28th is my last day of probation, and July 29th, I am finally off of being on probation, after having been on it for three years.
Now my major obstacle is to find a job, which is more challenging than it may sound, because despite my experience, my record is preventing me from getting a job. I won't give up though, and I never will....all for the love of my son, as he needs me, and I need him.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
My nightmare is almost over!
My attorney received 2 court dates for me. A temporary one in April, which means, if the Judge has time to hear my case, they would, and if not, then more waiting. I also received a permanent court date in July.
I did not want to go to court though. Eventhough I have an attorney, and my ex does not, I know the games that he plays in court, and the manipulation, and the lies. He does the "poor me" thing...and "but your Honor, I'm his father"...and blah, blah, blah.
Forget the fact that he voluntarily quit his job and moved 2 time zones away only to have no job; and the fact that he forfeited FIVE visitations with my son; and that he has only seen my son one time in over a year and a half; and that he barely asks about my son; and how he would see my son over the webcam and then "disappear"; not to mention, he doesn't pay court ordered child support.
Despite all of the above, I've been to court enough times to know what my ex would do, and I wanted to prevent that. In addition, I wanted to expedite this feels like, never-ending divorce.
Amazingly enough, my ex actually agreed to settle with me. By him agreeing to settle, that will definitely expedite things.
Here are some terms of the Settlement Agreement:
Legal, Sole Residential Guardian - Me
Legal, Sole Decision Making - Me
Visitation Time:
My ex will get 2 weeks per year, broken down in to 2, seven day segments (each seven days including traveling time)
Holiday Time:
My ex will get 4 days for Christmas every even year (counting traveling time)
My ex will get 4 days for Thanksgiving every odd year (counting traveling time)
All of the above time, my ex is allowed to take my son out of Colorado.
Holiday Time in Colorado only:
My ex will get the Saturday and Sunday prior to my son's birthday every year
My ex will get the Saturday and Sunday of Father's day every year
My ex will get the Saturday and Sunday prior to my ex's birthday every year
*The above means that my ex would pick up my son Saturday morning, and drop him off to me on Sunday night. My ex is not allowed to cross Colorado state lines with my son*
The grand total of time that my ex is allowed to have with my son per year is 24 days, and 18 nights (broken down in to 6 segments, all including traveling time). My ex is not allowed to combine holiday time with visitation time.
Sound harsh? Well, I have documented proof that proves that when my son has been with my ex, that my ex has not taken good care of my son. I am doing what I feel is in my son's best interest. This is not about my ex and I. This is about my son, and his well-being, which is my #1 top priority.
I do not talk bad about my ex in front of my son, as I believe as my son grows older, he will make his own decisions, and I will not put any pre-conceived notions inside his head. My son is smart, and I believe that he'll remember and know who has always been there for him, and who has not.
Should my ex step up to the plate and be a responsible father, and my son comes to me when he is older, and he tells me on his own, that he wants to see his father more, than I will allow him too. I just want my son to be happy. But my son is only 3, and he is much too young to understand, and he doesn't have a relationship with my ex. I am doing in my heart, what I feel is in my son's best interest.
In March, I paid to have the Child Support Enforcement Agency to get involved, as I really need the child support, and I am struggling financially. I don't know when I'll get child support, because my ex living out of state will hold things up.
It's scary. I'm not going to lie. I make much less than half of what I used to make. My ex doesn't pay child support, and refuses to, and things have never been so tight for me. I've been doing everything I can think of. While working full-time at my current job, I have been looking for a Commercial Real Estate job like I used to have.
I go to food pantries for help with food. I've had to lower my pride, and I cry when I am there because it is so emotional on me, but my son has never gone without, and I make sure that he will never have to go without.
I'm selling what personal belonging that I have left, and I have been going to Churches for help.
I keep a very Strong Faith in God, as I know that He has been taking care of my son and I all along, and that He will continue to do so. I know that God has a plan for me, and I pray that He shows me His plan soon, and I will follow, and I hold on to Matthew 6:25-6:34.
I have my Final Court Hearing on May 10th. It's finally almost over! My attorney told me that the Judge would sign the paperwork right there on the bench. Thanks be to God! My nightmare is almost over!
May will make 2 years and 8 months since I originally filed for a divorce. 2 years and 8 months of waiting. That is the same amount of time that my marriage lasted. It is my opinion that if the waiting period to get married was switched with the amount of time that a divorce takes, that there would be alot less divorces in this world!
I did not want to go to court though. Eventhough I have an attorney, and my ex does not, I know the games that he plays in court, and the manipulation, and the lies. He does the "poor me" thing...and "but your Honor, I'm his father"...and blah, blah, blah.
Forget the fact that he voluntarily quit his job and moved 2 time zones away only to have no job; and the fact that he forfeited FIVE visitations with my son; and that he has only seen my son one time in over a year and a half; and that he barely asks about my son; and how he would see my son over the webcam and then "disappear"; not to mention, he doesn't pay court ordered child support.
Despite all of the above, I've been to court enough times to know what my ex would do, and I wanted to prevent that. In addition, I wanted to expedite this feels like, never-ending divorce.
Amazingly enough, my ex actually agreed to settle with me. By him agreeing to settle, that will definitely expedite things.
Here are some terms of the Settlement Agreement:
Legal, Sole Residential Guardian - Me
Legal, Sole Decision Making - Me
Visitation Time:
My ex will get 2 weeks per year, broken down in to 2, seven day segments (each seven days including traveling time)
Holiday Time:
My ex will get 4 days for Christmas every even year (counting traveling time)
My ex will get 4 days for Thanksgiving every odd year (counting traveling time)
All of the above time, my ex is allowed to take my son out of Colorado.
Holiday Time in Colorado only:
My ex will get the Saturday and Sunday prior to my son's birthday every year
My ex will get the Saturday and Sunday of Father's day every year
My ex will get the Saturday and Sunday prior to my ex's birthday every year
*The above means that my ex would pick up my son Saturday morning, and drop him off to me on Sunday night. My ex is not allowed to cross Colorado state lines with my son*
The grand total of time that my ex is allowed to have with my son per year is 24 days, and 18 nights (broken down in to 6 segments, all including traveling time). My ex is not allowed to combine holiday time with visitation time.
Sound harsh? Well, I have documented proof that proves that when my son has been with my ex, that my ex has not taken good care of my son. I am doing what I feel is in my son's best interest. This is not about my ex and I. This is about my son, and his well-being, which is my #1 top priority.
I do not talk bad about my ex in front of my son, as I believe as my son grows older, he will make his own decisions, and I will not put any pre-conceived notions inside his head. My son is smart, and I believe that he'll remember and know who has always been there for him, and who has not.
Should my ex step up to the plate and be a responsible father, and my son comes to me when he is older, and he tells me on his own, that he wants to see his father more, than I will allow him too. I just want my son to be happy. But my son is only 3, and he is much too young to understand, and he doesn't have a relationship with my ex. I am doing in my heart, what I feel is in my son's best interest.
In March, I paid to have the Child Support Enforcement Agency to get involved, as I really need the child support, and I am struggling financially. I don't know when I'll get child support, because my ex living out of state will hold things up.
It's scary. I'm not going to lie. I make much less than half of what I used to make. My ex doesn't pay child support, and refuses to, and things have never been so tight for me. I've been doing everything I can think of. While working full-time at my current job, I have been looking for a Commercial Real Estate job like I used to have.
I go to food pantries for help with food. I've had to lower my pride, and I cry when I am there because it is so emotional on me, but my son has never gone without, and I make sure that he will never have to go without.
I'm selling what personal belonging that I have left, and I have been going to Churches for help.
I keep a very Strong Faith in God, as I know that He has been taking care of my son and I all along, and that He will continue to do so. I know that God has a plan for me, and I pray that He shows me His plan soon, and I will follow, and I hold on to Matthew 6:25-6:34.
I have my Final Court Hearing on May 10th. It's finally almost over! My attorney told me that the Judge would sign the paperwork right there on the bench. Thanks be to God! My nightmare is almost over!
May will make 2 years and 8 months since I originally filed for a divorce. 2 years and 8 months of waiting. That is the same amount of time that my marriage lasted. It is my opinion that if the waiting period to get married was switched with the amount of time that a divorce takes, that there would be alot less divorces in this world!
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