2008....Let me preface this post with letting you know that my depression went away when I got married. Sure, it snuck in here and there from time to time, but it was nothing like it was. My anorexia went dormant.....almost like how cancer goes in to remission.
During my pregnancy though, I did make my OB/GYN aware that I had a history of depression, because I certainly did not want postpartum depression. Forget the postpartum depression part...I went in to depression during my pregnancy. I'm sure that the hyperemesis that I was suffering from had something to do with it. I mean, imagine for just a moment what it's like to be sick 24/7 and constantly throwing up, and every smell making you want to throw up. Not to mention, my hormones were changing.
I felt so alone. Sure, my ex would be there for me at times, but I also remember me coming home after a long day at work and I'd lie down on the bed and put the TV on...too sick to move, and he wouldn't stay with me because it was "boring", and he'd go downstairs to the living room and play the X-Box 360 or the Playstation 3 that I foolishly bought him. I was so sick, and I felt so alone at times, and I would just cry.
As I previously wrote, my son was born on February 14, 2008. I fell in love with him instantly! It's something I can't put in words....you would just have to experience it for yourself...that instant bond and love. It truly is amazing!
As soon as my son was born, I was feeling better, and my depression went away! I was so happy to be a Mommy, and I felt and still do feel, so very Blessed to have my son! I had, and have, never been happier!
I was in the hospital for 5 nights due to the surgery. Approximately 2 days or so after I came home, there was a knock on my door. I was under investigation by social services because I had suffered from depression years earlier. And I let that be known to my OB/GYN while I was pregnant. It didn't matter that I wasn't in depression prior to becoming pregnant...nor was I in depression after my son was born....she kept focusing on the past. I looked at her while holding my little boy and told her that I had never been happier, and that I never want to live more. And that was the truth. My little boy was, and still is, and always will be...my everything!
She didn't care though. So, on with her investigation she went. You know what my thoughts are? If you don't have anything to hide....which I didn't...then let them investigate me all that they want! Finally, I received a letter in the mail indicating that their investigation was through, and that it was "unfounded". Eventhough I had nothing to hide, I was glad to have them out of my life.
I previously wrote about how it took me a while to heal, and how I even passed out, so I'm going to move forward to that day....the day my life shattered.....June 14, 2008....exactly 4 months to the day that my precious son was born.
Before I continue, I should let you know that my ex continued spending like you would not believe. I had always taken care of the budget, but being sick with hyperemises, he had to take over the budget....I had no choice due to how violently sick I was. He completely messed up our budget. A few days prior to my life shattering, my ex told me that we were approximately $1,000 in the negative. I couldn't understand how that could be. I mean, there I was making good money, and on top of it, I had cashed in the last of my annuity.
We fought alot over finances...or lack there of. On that day, I knew we would end up in a fight....I just didn't know what the result of that fight would be, nor how my life would shatter as a result of that fight.
