I was feeding my precious little baby boy a bottle on the couch. I was completely calm, despite what happened earlier. How could I not be calm looking at, and holding my precious son?
I heard a knock on the door. While holding my little baby boy, I got up and went to the door. I was still feeding him his bottle. It was the police. Wow. This is getting hard for me to write, and how I am going to go on and write about everything that would happen to me....I don't know. As it is, I have tears flowing down my face as I am typing this.
I had never been in trouble with the law before, except for minor speeding tickets. I've always been a law abiding citizen.
The cops asked if they could talk to me. I invited them in so I could finish feeding my little baby boy on the couch. So I invited them in, and I held my precious son and fed him the rest of his bottle.
They asked me what happened. I wish I kept my mouth shut. But I have always had respect for police officers, and my father had even been a cop in the Bronx for 22 years. Considering that I never was in trouble with the law before, I didn't know what to do. So I told them everything that happened. I didn't embellish. I told the truth, exactly how it happened.
I got scared. This feeling in the pit of my stomach. Cops kept coming in the house. I was nice and respectful, yet with the number of cops that came, you would think otherwise. They even brought a K-9. I didn't see the K-9, but I could smell the dog. My ex was extremely allergic to dogs, and on top of it, he had chronic asthma. His allergies triggered his asthma.
I was worried that if the K-9 entered the house, my ex would have a sever asthma attack. I worried about him. I explained that my ex was highly allergic to dogs, and I asked them if they could please keep their K-9 outside. I didn't say that to them to make myself look good. It came from my heart.
The pit in my stomach. My anxiety. It was bad. I had a bad feeling. I took my baby boy and kissed him, and I placed him back in his swing, safely strapped.........
(I need a moment to compose myself, because remembering all of this....I can't stop crying). God, I hope something good comes out of this blog. I just wanted to get my story out.....this is beyond painful, and I just don't know if I can do this. Something good has to come out of this...it has to...for my son and I. I wouldn't be re-living the worst time in my life if I wasn't hopeful that something good wouldn't come out of this.
Hopefully my blog makes sense as I am writing while crying uncontrollably, and I know it's just going to get worse.....
My son was 4 months to the day. After I placed him back in his swing, I sat back on the couch. The cops asked me to sign a statement. I read it, and it didn't indicate that my ex had me pinned down to the bed, and that is why I bit him the one time. The cop told me that, that was okay, because my ex admitted to them that he pinned me down.
I didn't know what to do. I was scared. I did what the cops told me to do. I signed the statement eventhough it didn't indicated that my ex pinned me down to the bed. I was so very scared. A cop asked me to stand up and to put my hands behind my back....I did so without a fight.....on went the handcuffs. The cop did NOT read me my miranda rights...you know, the whole, "You have the right to remain silent...". I think they are supposed to. But he didn't.
My baby was still in his swing. I asked the cop if I could give my baby a kiss before they took me to jail, and he wouldn't let me.
I'm not writing this for therapy. I've put this behind me...it was over 2 1/2 years ago. The purpose of my blog is to tell the true story of my life, and what happened to me. I knew it would be hard....I didn't know it would be this hard. They escorted me to one of the cop cars. I couldn't believe what was happening. All of the neighbors were out staring at me. Oh, how they stared. I was very respectful to the cops, and I did everything they asked me to.
I kept my head down and was crying. They brought me in to one station and held me in a holding jail cell before taking me to the main jail cell. In the cop car, the cops told me not to worry, as I'd probably be out on Monday (I was arrested on a Saturday).
By the time I got to the main jail, I was an emotional mess. I couldn't stop crying. I was in shock. And my baby...they took me away from my baby.
I was on an anti-depressant medication at the time to try to prevent post-partum depression. I asked for my anti-depressant medication. They wouldn't give it to me. The locked me in my cell for which I just cried uncontrollably. Approximately for the first 24 hours, I was in lock-down, where I couldn't be with the other inmates. And just as well, as I didn't want to be near them.
After my lock-down was over, I was allowed to be around the others during the times that they let us be around other inmates. I was in medium security (they have low, medium, and high). The females in there were mean to me. I stood out like a sore thumb in there.
I had a complete nervous break-down in there. I couldn't stop crying.
It was after they saw what I was going through, they moved me down to low security.
I was still a crying mess in low security, but at least those inmates weren't as mean to me. My weight was dropping quickly because I wasn't eating.
I missed my baby boy so much. I had never been away from him, other than work. I missed and needed my baby, and I knew he needed his Mommy.
It was awful in jail. I don't understand how people can go in and out of that place. I tried to be the perfect inmate. I did everything that the cops asked me. I read the rules book twice. I didn't give them a hard time in any way.
I had one phone call when they booked me. Remembering what the cop said about me probably being released on Monday....work conscientious me, left a voice mail for my manager which indicated that I had a family emergency, and that I'd be out of work on Monday. After all, I was the sole breadwinner.
My jail cell was horrible, as was the entire jail. As of right now, I don't feel like writing about the jail. I'm starting to feel numb after crying so much while remembering, and typing this. I hope my post makes sense, because I'm not going to be re-reading this post...at least, not tonight.
Saturday night, Sunday, Sunday night....finally, Monday arrived and I had court. The judge was over a T.V. I was charged with 2 felonies. I was already in shock....after hearing that, I was in beyond shock. 2 felonies....the one bite is considered an assault, and the threat while holding the paring knife was considered menacing with a deadly weapon.
My bond was set at $50,000. I had no money to hire an attorney. I would have had money if my ex didn't spend money like it was water. So I was given a public defender.
The pain...oh, the pain. It is so bad. So deep. I hate re-living this, and I know that this is only the first of many more painful posts. Forget about the pain that I was in while writing about my childhood...that has nothing on what I'm about to write, and what I would go through.
I will continue writing my whole story out eventhough to do so is harder on me then I could ever put in to words.....I'm just so glad that it's over and behind me.
